


Till We Meet Again

by honeybb_79



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang & Zuko (Avatar) Friendship, Aged Up, Amends, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Azula disappears, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Dark, Death, Ember Island (Avatar), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Mystery, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, PTSD, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Siblings, Some Regrets, Spirits, Suicide, Tragedy, Trauma, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko (Avatar) Tries His Best, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko being best dad yup, Zuko just wants to find her, he wants to rekindle, pls read The Search to understand some parts of the story, rape is mentioned but not detailed, she tries her best, so is sexual assault, violence in some parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybb_79/pseuds/honeybb_79
Summary: After Zuko finds out about the New Ozai Society, his sister and the kemurikage disappear without a trace. Years have gone by, and there is still no sign of Azula. Zuko wants her home safely and rekindle their relationship, but is met with obstacles along the way as he tries to find her himself.The tags will be updated as I post new chapters.OR:A Zuko and Azula centric. Azula disappearing and Zuko trying to find the missing pieces of her disappearance.
Comments: 26
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

It had been over five years since Azula was last seen. She had vanished hearing Firelord Zukos speech after her attempt of trying to overthrow him from his throne, she decided maybe it was best she leave the nation. It seemed as if maybe the Fire Nation would be better off without her— though she hated it wasn’t her being Firelord. Zuko never saw her after that. Once he had noticed that Azula was gone, he had a search party to look for her. She was dangerous, but she was also his sister, and he wanted her safe. After several months, the people were losing hope on finding her. Zuko didn’t however. After three years of searching for her, hosting search parties each month, and asking people questions if they had seen her, he was advised to stop the search, but the people will still be on the look-out.

_“Maybe its for the best,” Mai whispered to a saddened Zuko. They were holding each other tight in an embrace where Mai looked up into Zukos eyes. He was filled with so much sadness, she couldn’t bare seeing him like that anymore. She leaned her head closer to his where their foreheads had met and she leaned in to his lips and gave a small peck. She let go of the embrace and Zuko put his head down. Mai walked away from Zuko and out of his bedroom. With his Firelord duties, Azula was the one holding him back though she might not have realized it._

* * *

Now, it was two years after he was advised to stop the search of Princess Azula. With the anniversary of her disappearance coming closer, it was all the Firelord could think of. Zuko sat on his bed at the edge and slumped down. With his arms spread out away from his body, he let his body drop on top of his bed. He let out a sigh and laid in silence for a while. He thought about everything and then nothing. Zuko was interrupted of his thoughts when a servant came into his room.

“Good morning, Firelord,” the servant bowed. Zuko blocked out whatever the servant had said to him. “Its time for your meeting with the Earth king.” Zuko shot up from his bed and took in a deep breath and let it out. Then, more servants came in holding Zukos formal Firelord uniform, and there he stood blankly while the servants worked their way on putting on his clothes. The servants bowed away from him when they were done, and Zuko walked out of his room and out of the hallway and into the meeting room.

After the meeting, Zuko tried his best to keep it together and had a facade the whole day. It worried Mai though she tried not to bring it up because he might get angry over it and lie to her that he was fine. He entered his office and stood there in the middle of the room contemplating if he was doing the right thing listening to his advisors after all this time.

_A six year old Zuko woke up to a four year old Azula scream in her room in the middle of the night. He shot up from his bed and ran out of his room and into hers. Their rooms were so close to each other’s than their parents, so he was the only one that was able to hear her. There, was Azula sitting up in her bed with her hands buried into her face as she softly cried to herself. Zuko stood at the entryway of her room and walked inside._

_“Azula? Are you okay?” He asked concerned to his little sister. He approached to her bed and stood at the foot of it as she uncovered her face._

_“I had a bad dream,” she sniffled through her tears. He reached closer to her and sat down at the edge of her bed, and she crawled out of her blankets and into a hug._

_“I don’t know what I dreamt about, Zuzu, but I was so sad,” she sobbed softly. Zuko hugged his little sister back and waited until she calmed down to break apart the hug. Once he did, Azula didn’t want him to leave her alone._

_“Dont leave me please. Can you stay?” She pleaded. Zuko rubbed his eyes, and looked at the doorway wanting to go back to the comfort of his own bed, but he decided he’d stay for her just to make sure she’ll go back to sleep._

_“Fine, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”_

_“Okay.” Azula tucked herself into bed and closed her eyes. “Don’t leave me.”_

_Don’t leave me. . ._

He shook the thought away and approached the front of his wooden desk and walked around it to sit down. He relaxed his muscles and fixed his posture when he sat down and began to read his paperwork. After a while, he looked up at the corner of his desk and saw how much paper work he had signed. He didn’t notice that the sun went down. He rubbed his eyes as they were exhausted for reading so many pages. A knock was heard through the door and Zuko jumped up at the sound.

“Come in,” he responded. The servant opened the door and guided Mai inside with a tray of food.

“Firelady, Mai,” the servant introduced her to him and bowed to the Firelord. Zuko gave a nod at the servant, and he closed the door behind him.

“You missed dinner,” she said standing in front of his desk. She placed the tray of food on his desk, and she rested her hand on the arm rest of a chair that stood in front of the desk. She sat down and looked at Zuko. He looked back at her, but she wasn’t saying anything to him. She looked away from his eyes and let out a small frown that wasn’t too noticeable to see, but Zuko saw it. She let out a sigh and opened her mouth to speak.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” She asked him. He nodded his head in response, but he didn’t give her anymore information. He just didn’t know how to tell her how much he felt like he had failed his sister. Zuko looked down averting his eyes away from Mai and looked at his tray of food. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he knew how important it was to not skip a meal.

“Is there anything you need to tell me?” She asked once more with concern in her eyes. Zuko shook his head no and didn’t say anything else after that. Mai looked at him for a good minute, then she got up from her seat.

“I will be ready for you whenever you are ready, Zuko,” she responded. She turned away from him and walked out the door and closed the door behind her.

That night, Zuko didn’t go to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This is a bit of a sad story that will kind of be short. Its a bit of an idea or theory I’ve had since Azula disappears in the comics and doesnt come up anymore, so I kind of came up with the idea of Zuko searching for her and what might’ve happened to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko has a nightmare on the anniversary of Azula's disappearance. He also makes a speech about it to his people and reminisces about his childhood.

_“Hello, my lord,” a sinister voice was heard in the background. A blue dragon appeared flying around Zuko. Zuko gasped seeing the expansive dragon. The dragon had stopped flying around him, and stayed afloat staring at him face to face._

_“Hello,” Zuko responded unfazed. He felt almost at ease and calmed himself down from the sight of the dragon. Then, the dragon flew slowly behind him and returned to meet him face to face again. Only now there was no blue dragon. The blue dragon was now Azula._

_“Why did you give up, brother?” She asked him with her eyes furrowed._

_“No. . . I-I didn’t.”_

_“Yes you did!” Azulas voice grew sinister and grew deeper._

_“No! It was them! They made me stop!”_

_“Liar!” She growled. Azula then grew taller and morphed into the blue dragon once again._

_“You wanted me gone! I know it!_ **_She_ ** _also wanted me gone!” The dragon now stood over Zuko, and he tried backing away from it. Stumbling over his own foot, Zuko fell to the ground on his back. He lets out a grunt and winces in pain as the back of his hit the ground. He sits up from the ground-- supporting himself by using his elbows. _

_“Wha—? Are you talking about mom? Azula, she didn’t want you gone. She loves you. She’s worried about you. Why did you leave?”_

_The dragon roared. The creature scrunched up its nose with anger with a snarl. Showing its sharp teeth, the dragon opened its mouth and lunged towards Zuko._

_“_ No!” Zuko wakes up in a panic. Gasping for air, he had realized he was sweating in his nightmare. Mai shoots up from her sleep and sits up in bed scared from Zukos scream. It alarmed her.

“Are you okay?” She asked resting her arm on his shoulder. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t think, and all the emotions came at him all at once. He put his hands on his face and began sobbing. Mai grew concerned and worried that he hadn’t explained to her what had happened.

“Zuko, you’re scaring me. What happened?”

Between breaths, he replied, “Its Azula.” He choked on his words. Mai now knew. She didn’t need any more details. She now realized today was the anniversary that her former friend and sister- in- law was reported missing. She pulled Zuko into a tight embrace as she allowed him to rest his head on the crease of her neck. Hearing him sob broke her heart and tears began welling in her eyes at the sound.

* * *

Zuko was wearing his formal firelord wear as he walked out of the palace and had his guards open the gates.

There stood a podium for him outside of the palace and there was his citizens gathered around to hear what he had to say. Since it had been five years of her disappearance, it was a special announcement to detail about her disappearance. Zuko took his steps up to the podium and took in a deep breath and let it out. He looked and saw the crowd of his people interested on what he had to say. His mom and Mai stood at the front and gave him a nod of encouragement for him to start. Zuko cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Good-day citizens of the Fire Nation. It’s not easy for me to say this, but as you may know, it has been five years since Princess Azulas disappearance. At the day of this anniversary, it has come to my attention that she is still out there somewhere. Please, if you know any information on her disappearance, our authorities will be happy to attend to you and know about her whereabouts. Thank you.” As he looked into the crowd, he saw a woman standing in the middle of it, and she seemed to be tearful contrary to the crowd where the rest of them clapped at his announcement. Her short brown hair softly blew away from her face as the wind blew. Zuko had noticed she had a beauty mark on her cheekbone and a scar on her cheek. She stared back at Zuko not muttering a word as she wipes a tear away. _Does she know something?_ He asks himself. He shakes the thought away as Mai calls his name, and he leaves the podium taking a few steps down away from it. 

He meets up with Mai and Ursa where they gave in to a group hug.

“I know its not easy, mother,” Zuko whispers in-between them. His mother gives a gentle smile to her son.

“Its not, but its not easy for the rest of us either. I hope she’s okay out there. . . wherever she is. I hope she knows I still love her no matter what.”

“Me too,” Zuko replies. The three of them walked into the palace together as the guards close the gates behind them. Kiyi runs towards Ursa and gives her a hug as Ursa gently laughs at her daughter for bringing her comfort.

“Thank you, Kiyi,” Ursa says softly. Zuko held onto Mais hand and guides her to a path. Zuko turns around behind them to see his mother.

“We’ll see you soon at dinner-time,” Zuko states to his mother. Ursa waves a goodbye at the royal couple, and they parted ways. Zuko guides Mai to the pond where the turtle-ducks rested. The tree still sat there near the pond. Flourished and green. The water in the pond was filled with petals of flowers that were nearby as they bloomed during the season. They sat against the tree in silence not knowing what to say in a day like this. Mai thought about it for a moment. . . she knew he didn’t really want to talk much about it, but she knew how much he wanted to say. Azula is his sister after all, and she was her friend too back then.

“Zuko, you can talk to me about it,” she reassures to him as she rested her hand on top of his, giving a gentle squeeze. Zuko let out a small smile at her words. Mai never talked about her feelings much, but she knew when Zuko needed it, and she too would sometimes be open to how she was feeling.

“Mai. . . there’s something I have to tell you,” he hesitated but didn’t hold back on what he had to say. “I’m going out there myself to find her.”

“What?” Mai widens her eyes at his plan.

“I have to do this. If I don’t, I won’t ever forgive myself. I feel like I have to try harder. She’s out there, Mai! Somewhere. She needs help.” Mai averted her face away from Zuko.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” She questions him with her arms folded.

“I was worried you’d be against it.”

“Zuko,” she looks back at him. “Im not against it. She’s your sister. Go for it. It just upsets me you didn’t tell me in the first place.” He apologizes to her and holds her close. He notifies her that he was going to leave tonight, and Uncle Iroh will fill in his place temporarily. Mai nodded her head along to his words understanding.

“If anything were to happen to Tom-Tom like when the kemurikage kidnapped him and other children, I would go far and wide searching for him like I did again. I will not stop until I find him. I understand,” she leans in and gives him a small peck on his cheek. They watched the mother turtle-duck in the pond help her children to swim and leave the pond on their own. They gave a small chuckle as they saw the small turtle-ducks swimming around their mother. The turtle-ducks were at peace and happy. Just like a family should be.

_“Oh, no! The baby turtle-duck died,” An eight year old Zuko says saddened. Azula perks up at what she had been told._

_“I want to see!” She says and pushed Zuko out of the way. Zuko groans as his head hits the ground. He winces in pain and rubs the back of his head. He shots up when he sees Azula picking it up._

_“Azula don’t touch it!” He reaches out. She swats his hand away from her, and studies the creature as she squats down to the ground. Zuko couldn’t believe his six year old sister was touching a dead animal. He could never do that. He shudders as he watches her moving the animal around._

_“It was deformed,” Azula says._

_Zuko widens his eyes, “What?” Azula reaches out her arm towards Zuko with the turtle-duck in her hand. Zuko shuffles away from the dead animal as it was getting closer to him. Azula holds onto the two feet of the turtle-duck, and the turtle-duck's body was hanging upside down._

_“See? The feet didn’t open. It’s all closed up, and he wasn’t able to swim. It was bound to happen.” Zuko didn’t like the idea of the dead turtle-duck close to him. He didn’t like the image of something so cute become lifeless. Azula noticed how afraid Zuko was getting as she kept putting the turtle- duck closer to him._

_“Azula, stop!” He says getting up from the ground annoyed at his sisters actions._

_“What? Im not doing anything.”_

_“Ha-ha. Very funny,” he said unamused. Azula then lied the turtle-duck on the ground and shot fire at it, and she watched amused as she saw the animal get engulfed into flames. Zuko let out a gasp watching this happen._

_“No! What are you doing?!” He says reaching out to the turtle-duck but stopped as the flames grew bigger._

_“I’m cremating it, duh.” Zuko shudders as he watches the animal become unidentifiable. The flames die out and there’s just ashes left on the ground. Azula gets up from the ground and empties a vase— allowing the dirt and flower drop to the ground, and grabs the vase back to the spot where the ashes were. She cupped her hands and picked up the ashes and put them into the vase._

_“Lets let the ashes fly away somewhere,” she said wiping the leftover ashes on her pants as she got up from the ground. She held onto Zuko’s hand and guides him to the pond where the mother and the rest of her children were floating on top of the water asleep._

_“Okay, lets do it,” he says. Azula dumps the ashes on the pond water and watches it dissolve._

_“Now, he’ll be with the rest of his family,” she says softly._

Zuko snaps back into reality when Mai was calling his name. They were still sitting against the tree near the pond. He looks up to see his advisor in front of him.

“My lord, Former General Iroh has arrived to the palace,” he says bowing down to Zuko.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Lets go.” Zuko grew into a smile. Knowing his uncle had arrived back to the palace and to the nation brought him at ease. He knew his uncle would make him feel better when they have some alone time. Iroh knew what to say to him in situations where Zuko felt lost. Mai and Zuko get up and the advisor guides them to where Uncle Iroh was waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a dark turn right there with the turtle-duck-- but its Azula. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you so much for the kudos, for reading, and leaving a comment. It means a lot! 


	3. Chapter 3

Zuko was packing his stuff in his room when the person who he had admired so much entered his room. Zuko turns around from his bed and sees his Uncle standing there with an open embrace. Zuko walks towards his uncle and stops for a moment. All the emotions came at him once again. He began to sniffle and lunged into a hug to his uncle. Iroh understood the type of pain Zuko was feeling and tears began welling in his eyes. Keeping his nephew tight, he allowed him to let out all his frustrations and sadness away. _Poor boy, he probably had this bottled inside_ he thought to himself. Zuko pulls away from the tight embrace feeling slightly better from seeing his uncle. He was wanting a personal consultation with his uncle ever since he arrived, but when he arrived, many people within the palace wanted to catch up with him on each others lives.

“I know your sisters disappearance has been taking a toll on you, my nephew,” Iroh says resting his hand on Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko put his head down and looked back up at his uncle with such sorrow.

“I know she was filled with hatred and violence towards us when we were banished, but I cannot go on without knowing if she is alive or. . . dead.” He didn’t want to say it, but there was a possibility she might’ve been. Though, he tried not to think about it, the thought of it being possible lingered in his head and ate him up internally each day. Iroh let out a small smile.

“Thats what I most admire about you, Firelord Zuko. Although you two had a rough relationship, you don’t turn away from it and instead listen to your heart. Its an admirable trait from your mothers grandfather, Avatar Roku. Although his friendship with Sozin turned sour, he still had a soft spot for him and spared his life. Just like you and Azula.”

Zuko hesitates to bring up a thought that had just occurred in his head, but he didn’t think about it until now and wanted answers.

“What about you and my father?” He whispered to his uncle. His uncle was stunned at the question, but then allowed himself to relax. He never actually thought of it at all.

“Ozai and I never met eye to eye. Wanting absolute power took a toll on him that I did not see the Ozai that I knew before, but I’m not sure if I were to react like you looking for Azula. That is what is special and different about you, my nephew. You see the light in the relationship that I couldn’t see with my own brother.” Zuko nodded his head in appreciation of the words flowing out of Irohs mouth. Iroh always knew what to say and how to guide Zuko in the direction he’s supposed to be going. Zuko approaches his bed and sits at the edge. His hands are on his lap squeezing his own thigh from nervousness with his head down facing the ground. He lets out a sigh and looks up at his uncle.

“Am I doing the right thing? What if—,” he pauses for a moment, “she doesn’t want to return home? What do I do then?” He asks. Iroh shakes his head slowly at Zukos question.

“That I cannot tell you, Zuko. You cannot control what she wants to do. It’s all she ever did in her life with your father, and look where it has taken her. What you can do, my nephew, is control the controllable. Then, and only then, will you seek the light at the end of where you want to be,” his uncle finally says. Zuko nods his head understanding on what his uncle had to say. He lets out a small smile at his beloved uncle and mutters a thank you.

* * *

Zuko trusted only a few members in the palace about his plan. If he had made an announcement about it, they would’ve refused to allow the Firelord himself find Azula. _Thats why we have the authorities to do the work_ one might have said. As Zuko sneaks off the palace into the night, he doesnt go out wearing his crown, instead, he has it stashed away in his bag where his belongings are in. With Iroh distracting the guards at the gates, by having them step off near it and having a conversation with them, leaving only one of the guards by the gate, Zuko is able to escape on foot without any questions asked to the Firelord. He waves goodbye at the one guard he had trusted that wouldn't rat him out, and he made his way. 

Once outside of the palace, he thinks about everything. Trying to not let his thoughts consume him, he thinks of Mai. The woman he loves and that has been through so much with him. He then thinks about his mother. The woman he loves that has brought him comfort when he was little but also gave him a great big deal of loss as he grew up. With his mom in his life again, they have patched up the wound of her leaving. She was horrified to find out what Ozai had done to her beloved son. Ozai had promised he wouldn’t hurt Zuko as long as she left the capital. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t keep the promise, but she thought he would’ve kept his word. With the capital being lonely, this was a great advantage for Zuko, for he wouldn’t have been bothered by people suspecting who he was. The people outside of the city didn’t really pay attention much to how their current Firelord looked. Some were still loyal to the former Firelord, and he had hoped none of them would try something to him.

As Zuko walks through Caldera City alone, he is in awe of the moon. Sokka had told him the story about Yue the moon spirit. Sokka had mentioned it before, but in a moment when they were alone again drunk on cactus juice filled alcohol, Sokka spilled out his most tragic loss of a love along with his mom. Of course him being under the influence, the story touched him at his core where he even cried with Sokka after he told the story. He laughs about it looking back at it in retrospect because they didn’t stop crying about it after an hour.

After such a time, Zuko leads his own way outside of the city. His feet hurting from walking throughout the night, the sun was barely peaking through the dark night sky. The dark navy blue sky was slowly becoming purple. _I can keep going until my legs give up_ he thought.

_“Firelord Zuko,” the nurse announced to Azula as she opened the doors to the room. Zuko walked in slowly, and he turns around behind him to see the nurse go through the door to exit, and closing the door behind her. In the middle of the room, Azula is in a straight-jacket sitting down on a chair. Her head is down staring at the ground and doesnt make contact with her older brother. Her hair is long and is in front of her face where Zuko can barely see any facial features of hers. Zuko stands there not knowing how to ignite the conversation or what to even say to his sister that wanted to kill him in their agni kai._

_“Azula,” he starts. She doesnt react at all and stares blankly at the ground. He looks way from her and looks to his side wondering why did he think it was a good idea to visit her. But then, he reminded himself that she was still his sister despite everything. “I wanted to come visit you to see how you’re doing. I hope you’re doing well.” Azula twitches._

_“Thats funny of you to say, Zuzu,” she says sinisterly. She finally looks up at him and meets eye to eye with her brother. “I think you’re just saying that out of pity. I know for a fact you want me dead.”_

_“Thats not true.”_

_“Oh, yes of course it is,” she says putting her head down at an angle where she is still able to see him looking up. “You and mom both want me out.”_

_“That’s not true, Azula. We love you,” Zuko says softly. Azula becomes stunned at his sentence and closes her eyes tightly. She turns her head away from him as tears began to well in her eyes. Zuko approaches to his little sister closer and squats down to be on a respective level with each other. Zuko looks up to see her, and she moves her head to see him again._

_“Azula, we can change this,” he says with his eye gleaming of hope. He wanted it to end. He wanted a healthy and blossomed relation with his sister. He wanted them to be the siblings he had always hoped they’d be. “We can be great together. Without the fighting.” She nods her head along to her brothers words. Maybe it would be nice for a change she thought._

_“We can,” she whispers._

_“And we will.” He says resting his hand on her knee. “Im sorry for whatever great deal I have caused in your life. Mom is too. She regrets for not loving you enough.” Azula widens her eyes and furrows her eyebrows at the mention of her mom. She closes her eyes tightly and scrunches her nose in anger._

_“Stop it,” she says. Tears falling down her face, she grows angry that she might not change. She can never change. Mom never loved you. She loved Zuko she told herself. She was a failure in her eyes. Failure to secure her rightful heir to the throne. Failure to fulfill her fathers wishes. Failure to her grandfather Azulon and to those before him. The voices in her head appeared through various tones she had heard throughout her life._

_I love Zuko more than I fear you._

_You can’t treat me like Zuko!_

_What is wrong with that child?_

_I love you, Azula. I do._

_I love you, Azula. I do._

_I love you, Azula. I do._

_The same sentence repeating over and over again. Azula screams in her tears through it all._

_“Stop it!” She yells out in excruciating pain. Zuko couldn’t comprehend what was going on. He stood up and immediately hugged his sister. She sobbed against him._

_“Get away from me!” She yells out. She bites Zukos ear, and he stands back away from her. She began crying loudly with wails flowing out of her as if she had bottled up her emotions for so long. Zuko didn’t know what to do._

_“Azula. . . “ his voice croaks as tears began to well in his eyes. As Azula’s wails became louder, her nurses rush in to the room._

_“We have to sedate her,” one nurse says to the other. Zuko watches them pierce the sedative through her skin and inject her. Then, her wails became small and fragile. Soon, she was quiet. The nurses pushed her out of the room in a wheel chair, and as Zuko watched his little sister leave, he falls to the floor and sobs with his hands on his face._

As Zuko drags his feet with him as the sun comes up, he notices passing by through the end of the city of a man, dressed in green, setting up a small pop-up shop filled with animals locked in cages. One in particular that caught his attention was the ostrich-horse. His eyes lit up as he saw a companion and an advantage of him riding through the nation instead of walking it through.

“How much for the ostrich-horse?” Zuko asks the man.

Zuko was content for the moment now that he won’t have to walk anymore. He pets the ostrich-horse and prepares the ride by putting on the saddle on its back.

“You know, you kind of look like the firelord,” the man had said.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Nice doing business with you!” The man says happily counting the money. Zuko nods his head at the man, and holds onto the ostrich-horse. He gave himself a boost up by giving a small hop, and he was now sitting on the animal. He looks into the path in front of him, and guides the ostrich-horse where he wants it to go using the reins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading! Also, I think I'll upload a chapter every week because this week, and the upcoming week, is very hectic right now for me. Just letting you know so you won't think I abandoned it or something :) 


	4. Chapter 4

Zuko had realized he hadn’t slept all night. He had caught himself dozing off on top of the ostrich-horse where he felt his body leaning towards the side almost falling off. His eyes letting him down and him pinching himself trying to get it together. He had made it out of Caldera City and was now riding down villages and farms. The sun was at its ultimate high where he felt his skin absorbing the heat. He stops once he makes it to a village with their well at the center. He hops off the ostrich-horse and searches for his canteen in his bag of belongings. With the bucket attached to the well, he was able to get water, and he first gave water to his companion. The ostrich-horse gulping down the water and eventually finished it. Zuko gives the animal a few fresh fruits he had. He then uses the rope once again attached to the well to bring down the bucket to get water. He was pulling it back up when he senses someone staring at him. _Had they recognized me?_ He asks himself. He turns around to see a woman. Her eyes widened seeing his appearance. Immediately, her face changes. She doesnt try to approach Zuko, and instead, she walks away at a fast pace. Zuko raised an eyebrow confused at her reaction.

Then, he had realized it was the same girl in the crowd in the middle of his speech that was crying. Her scar had given it all away and so did her beauty mark.

He walks down the path of the village and sees people coming out of their homes starting the day. He felt so exhausted and the soles of his feet were throbbing in pain. The people paid no mind to the man and his ostrich-horse. He stops in front of a building where it labeled it was an inn. He ties his ostrich-horse against a post, and makes his way inside. He opens the doors and is greeted by an elderly woman.

“Welcome, how can I help you?” She asks him sweetly. Zuko approaches her desk and lets out a sigh.

“Hello, I would like a room to stay in,” he says.

The woman nods her head along with his words, “You’re just in luck. There is one room available for the moment. Room 12,” she says handing him a key. Zuko holds out his hand and receives the key. "Can I get a name?"

"Uh, Lee." He stares at it longly where the head of the key had a design of the white lotus tile. Zuko gasps seeing this and looks up at the woman, but she was gone. He walks down the hall on his left, away from the greeting desk, and looks at the numbers on each door until he had found room 12. He opens the door to a small room with one bed against the wall on the corner, where it was set and had the blankets folded nicely, one window facing the active and heart of the village, and there was a night-stand next to the bed. Zuko walks up to the window and closes the curtains with a swift. He kicks off his shoes and leaps into the bed feeling comfortable. He lets out a sigh and soon his eyes shut down.

* * *

_“Ladies, I think our work here is done,” Azula says watching Zuko giving his speech to his citizens from afar. It was after Zuko had discovered about the New Ozai Society and the last time he’d ever see his sister. Each of the girls followed Azula and put on their kemurikage masks and walked away. She believed maybe she wasn’t needed anymore, and perhaps Zuko was doing alright as the firelord, though she still wishes she would’ve taken the throne, and her father be the Phoenix King like he had always promised. She believed a life without Zuko was for the best, for he stood in their way between plans, but now she thinks twice about it. Maybe after all, a life without her was for the best. Tears well in her eyes at the thought behind her mask._

_“Azula, but wasn’t your plan to claim your right to the throne? Helping the former governor by overthrowing, Zuko?” A woman had asked. Azula grew angry. Was this girl implicating that Azula was a failure in front of her? Azula stops in her tracks and the women do the same._

_“Who said that?” Azula spat taking off the mask. The women surrounded her and didn’t utter a word. “Well one of you said it! Speak up!”_

_“It was me,” the girl says shaking. She pulls her mask off. She kneels in front of Azula and begs for forgiveness. “I am so sorry, Azula. It won’t happen again.” Azula furrowed her eyebrows._

_“You are a fool. Overthrowing Zuko was never the plan. It was to teach him that he was still capable of being ruthless. You are a fool!” She says more loudly, “Not once have you thanked me for allowing all of you to escape from that. . . “ she pauses. “From that PRISON!” Her mind flashes back to the treatment she would get at the institution. When it was time for her medication, and they would force it down her throat. Azula would shove her fingers down her throat and regurgitate once the nurses would leave. She never allowed the medication to go down her throat after she had seen a patient react badly to them. “You may leave.”_

_With a saying so simple yet so threatening, the woman nods her head understanding her decision. She gets up quickly and leaves the group leaving her kemurikage mask behind._

_“Anyone else would like to join her? Do so now. You’ll be saving me from the near-future.” Two out of the five women walked away from the group and threw their masks on the floor by Azula's feet. Traitors she thought to herself. “Very well then.” She furrows her eyebrows and walks away when the three remaining women followed her. Restraint. Restraint. Restraint. She told herself._

_A few weeks had passed and the women were still loyal to Azula. They roamed amongst the nation and seeking to every village they can and survive off of whatever they were able to find. Azula found herself gambling in order to get money and helped the women in her group get food._

_“You ever heard of the blind little girl that would scam in gambling?” The man had said putting a small pebble under a cup and rotating the cup with other two of them. Azula lets out a sigh._

_“No, I’m not interested,” she says focusing on the cups. The day was almost ending and the sky was a a pink and purple color as the sun was setting._

_“Thats too bad. Its kind of a good story. She’s still out there wandering the street I bet.” Azula ignores the man and once he had stopped rotating the cups around, she instantly picks at a cup confidently. The man raised up the cup and was shocked that she had won. It was her third time in a row winning. He handed her a small sack of money and she went out her way to find the girls. She spots one of them, Kumi near a stand looking at the fruits she could possibly buy. Azula approaches her and hands her one of the sacks of money she had won._

_“Here, buy all that you can for the four of us.” She walks away from Kumi and tries to find the other two. She walks down the path of the village and finds Meiko and Hana walking along together chatting amongst themselves in the heart of the village. The sky had turned dark and the sun was no more._

_“Have you found a place for us to stay?” Azula had asked them. The women nodded their heads at her in response and Meiko shows her a key she was holding. Azula studied it and noticed the head of the key had the design of the white lotus tile, but she thought nothing of it. Kumi meets ups with them, and the girls walk into the building where they were staying._

_“Hello girls,” the elderly woman said to them as they walked in. Meiko greets the woman and shows Azula where their room was at._

* * *

Zuko kept tossing and turning in the bed. He kept muttering something out of his lips as his eyes began to furrow on what he was dreaming about.

_“Azula?” He questions out loud to a figure that looked similar to his sisters. Her back was facing him, and he couldn’t tell if it was actually her. He approaches the figure and hesitates to reach out. When he does, the figure turns around to face him. It was Azula. Her hair was down and she had no makeup on. Her eyebrows shifted almost closer together in a worried manner. She reaches out her hand to him, and he does the same, but he couldn’t reach to her. He looked at his hand and then back at her, she was farther away from him than they were earlier. She yells out his name, and when he wakes up, her voice echos through him in the room._

Zuko gasps as he opens his eyes. He fire-bends a small flame on his hand to his dark room and gets up from the bed. He walks around the room with the flame to see if there was anything there out of the ordinary. Once he had checked that he was alone, he sits on the edge of the bed and began to pant. The voice of Azula yelling out his name haunts him. He can still hear her. He lets the flame out and lets out a sigh as he runs his hand through his hair and rubs his eye. He sits there for a moment reminding himself that it was just a dream and not real.

The young Firelord gets up from the bed and opens the curtains to see the world that he had remembered where the sun was up, was now dark out with the moonlight lit. He couldn’t handle being in the small room anymore, and he heads out of the building. The elderly woman was not at her desk like she was when he had first walked in. He opens the door to exit and greets his ostrich-horse and gave it food that he still had leftover in his bag. He pets it for a bit to give it comfort and then sits in front of the building. His back against the cold wall of the building and his knees bent against his chest. He stares out at the sky and thinks about if he was wasting his time, or if he was doing the right thing. _What if I am too late?_ He questions to himself. As he wonders, he hears the giggle of a woman followed by talking. Zuko immediately becomes alarmed, but trying not to show it, he pretends he is fine still sitting down. The footsteps approach closer to the building and he sees two women. The elderly lady and the woman he had saw two times previously.

The young woman had stopped in her tracks, and her eyes widened as soon as she saw Zuko sitting against the building. The elderly does the same but not out of fear.

She gasped, “You scared me. Im speculating you had just woken up?” The elderly woman questions and expects a response. Zuko nods his head. “That must’ve been some journey.” The elderly woman walked inside the building, and so did the young woman. Zuko watched her as she passed by him, and the two women entered the building. _She must know something_ he thought to himself and walked in the building as well.

The elderly woman was behind her desk, while the younger one stood in front of the desk with her stomach pressed against the desk. She leaned against the desk and paid no mind to Zuko walking towards them. The elderly woman stops in mid-conversation and watches Zuko approach them.

“Can I help you? Is everything alright?” The elderly woman asks. The younger woman turns to look at Zuko and watches him as well.

“Yes. Sorry, I never catched your name,” he responds.

The elderly lets out a sweet smile, “My name is Kiyoko.” Zuko leans against the desk in front of Kiyoko and stands next to the young woman.

“Kiyoko, I’m sorry, but I actually have a few things I must ask you.” Kiyoko nods her head allowing him to continue what he had to say. “I have come a long way, and I’m actually looking for a missing person. My sister. She has been gone for about five years now, and there’s no sign of her.” His eyes shift to the side— looking at the young woman at the corner of his eye, and he sees her body tenses up at the mention. 

“I was afraid you’d come here, Firelord Zuko,” Kiyoko had said with her smile disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A new chapter! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and once again, I appreciate the kudos and comments. Reading them really makes my day, so thank you so much! <33


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula-centric chapter!
> 
> WARNING: This chapter mentions death and blood but not anything gore.

_It had been a month since Azula and her newfound friends had arrived to the village. They grew accustomed to the village and their life, but Azula remained secluded to the world. She didn’t want them to find out who she was._

_“Where is Kumi?” Hana had asked walking into the room._

_“I sent her to get us food from the market,” Azula said laying in bed. Hana had sat down on a chair that was near the night stand. Azula hadn’t been able to get out of bed for days. She tried, but all she wanted to do was sleep. Meiko had kneeled down on the floor and placed her hand on the bed Azula was lying on._

_“Azula, lets try to get out of bed today. We can go for a walk. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Azula muttered something and turned away from the girls. Why can’t they just leave me alone? She thought._

_“Come on, Azula. Theres more to life than just laying in bed.” Azula furrowed her eyebrows. She turns on her side and meets eye to eye with Meiko._

_“Leave me alone! I’m not wanted in my nation. Theres nothing for me!”_

_“Thats not true—“ before Meiko could finish, they heard screaming coming from outside. Meiko and Hana get up and look out the window that was showing the village. Outside of the building was Kumi and a man. Hana’s eyes widened and screamed at what she was seeing. Azula becomes alert and sits up in bed. Hana slumps to the ground and began to hyperventilate. She couldn’t breathe. Her tears began to fall out, and she couldn’t get the image out of her head._

_“Meiko, what’s going on?” Azula says. Meiko looks out the window once more, and she covers her mouth with her hand. “Hana?”_

_“It—it’s Kumi. . . “ Hana reaches out her arm trying to hold onto herself. Meiko sits at the edge of the bed not uttering a word. Azula gets out of bed and bolts out of the room and the building. There, she sees Kumi’s body on the ground. Blood flowing out of her neck and mouth. Kumi begins to choke on her blood._

_Azula gasps and kneels on the ground to meet her friend._

_“Stay with me!” She holds onto her friends face caressing her cheek. Kumi places her hand on top of Azulas where she was caressing her. She began to cough out her blood, and she couldn’t say anything. The elderly woman came out of the building and gasped seeing the scene. The man was nowhere to be found. Kumi had stab wounds on her neck really deep. Her eyes began to roll back, and her breathing began to slow down._

_“Kumi. . .” Azula croaks. She watches as her friend takes her last breath,and her hand falls to the ground limp. Azula gently lays Kumi’s head on the ground and looks at her own hands. There was Kumi’s blood on it. Azula began to breathe heavy. She began to wipe the blood on her clothes hyperventilating._

_“Why is there so much blood?” She gasps. She couldn’t catch her breath. She kept staring at her red tainted hands. She backs away from Kumi’s body, and the elderly woman holds onto Azula’s shoulders._

_“Its okay. I got you. I got you,” the woman says. Azula widens her eyes and her eyebrows furrowed together in anguish. Tears began building up in her waterline making the world seem blurry in her eyes. She shuts them closed and tears escape. Meiko and Hana run out of the building and Meiko fell down to their knees and cried. Hana walked closer to Kumi’s body and caresses her face._

_“Im so sorry,” she whispered. “It’s not fair.” Meiko walks behind her friend and rests her hand on her shoulder. She studies the ground around Kumi and realizes there was food spread on the floor. The man must’ve fought her life for food. She tears up at the thought. Azula looks up and sees the majority of the village watching them. Whispers coming from them._

_Azula looks at the elderly woman and pleads, “Please don’t call the authorities. I can’t be found here. I can’t. . . “ She stops herself from saying too much. The woman rests her hand on Azula’s._

_“I know who you are, Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. I don’t need to know much, but I can assure you, if you don’t want to be found, I’ll make sure of it.” She grabs Azula’s hand and guides her inside the building and behind her counter. She pulls a lever and the floor opens. A staircase leading downwards. Azula uses her fire-bending to ignite a flame, so they can see in the dark. It was all old and smelled. . . peculiar. The stairs had come to a halt and the woman turns on the lights. There was shelfs of many spices/ seeds and clothes._

_“I made this during the war. You never know when you might need safety,” she whispers. “I’ll come back for you.”_

_“Thank you. . . “ Azula stops herself because she had realized she never knew the name of the woman that ran the building._

_“Kiyoko,” the woman responded. Azula nods her head, and Kiyoko walks up the stairs to help Meiko and Hana with the authorities._

* * *

_Azula sank down against the wall and began to sob. She buries her face in her hands and lets the emotion out. She had never seen anyone die. She never killed someone, as much as she was ordered to kill her own brother. She had to. It was what made sense at the time._

_“You’re a failure, Azula,” she whispers to herself. “You’re nothing but a failure. Father doesnt even want you. Not mother, and not even Zuko. Your own family and nation doesnt want you. What does that mean for me?” She moves her hands away from her face and sees an image of her mother._

_“I love you, Azula. I do,” her mother says softly with open arms._

_“What are you doing here, mother?” She says. Her mother lets out a small smile and shakes her head at her daughter._

_“What do you mean? Im not here.”_

_Azula closes her eyes tightly, “Stop it.”_

_“I’m not lying, my daughter. I am not here. You think you are a failure, but you’re not. You’ve done a lot of good— without even knowing it.”_

_“Liar.” Azula opens her eyes and sees that her mother was gone. She wipes her tears. And hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Azula stands up from the ground and sees Meiko and Hana approach her. They all welcomed each other with open arms and let out small tears._

_“She’s gone,” Hana says softly about Kumi. “It’s just us right now. I miss her already.”_

_“It should’ve been me,” Azula says whimpering. Meiko shakes her head at Azula._

_“Dont say that.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed the Azula-centric chapter! 


	6. Chapter 6

“How do you know who I am?” Zuko questions to Kiyoko.

“Anyone that doesn’t recognize your scar is a fool,” she simply states. He subconsciously touches his scar. He felt the dents he had on his face due to the loss of muscles from his accident.

“So I see.”

“Come, young Firelord, we have much to discuss.” She guides Zuko out of the welcoming center of the building and leads him down the hallway and into a lonely room. It was her office. It was just a desk with many drawers where she held her paperwork.

“The lotus tile. . . on the key,” Zuko begins. He didn’t know how to continue that question. He didn’t want to expose the white lotus society.

“I know of your uncle, yes. There are many of us in the society, Firelord,” she says bowing to him. He does the same in return. “But that is not what I brought you in here to discuss.” Zuko’s head tilts to the side in confusion.

“Your sister was here.” Zuko’s eyes widened.

“She was? Where is she now?”

Her body tenses up on how much he had wanted to know, but she lets out a breath and relaxes herself.

“She was here many years ago. She left. That is all I can say. Thats exactly what I told to the authorities also. They didn’t have much of a lead, so they gave up. She left. . . in a hurry. She didn’t want us to follow her. She said it was her destiny.” Zuko felt queazy. He felt the air suddenly feel so tight. He felt hot. He felt many things where eventually he didn’t feel so right anymore. Zuko felt his limbs slowly become numb and then all he heard was Kiyoko calling his name and everything went black.

* * *

_Zuko walks down the hallway in the palace. He passes by a room and continues to walk. He then passes by the same room again. The hallway was ongoing— there was no end, and he kept passing by the same room. He decides to enter it._

_“Hello, brother,” Azula’s voice is heard. She stands in the middle of a black room with nothing inside it. Zuko stands by the entryway not knowing what to say._

_“Come with me,” she says. She lets out her hand, so that he can grab it. “Come.” She’s expressionless, but yet, Zuko feels a weird aura emanating through her._

_He closes his eyes, “No.”_

_“No?” She questions putting her hand away from Zuko. “Even if you don’t, Zuzu, you’ll turn out like father.”_

_“Dont say that.”_

_“But why not? Whats so wrong about that? We both know it can happen. He molded us that way,” she whispers._

_“But I broke away from that.”_

_“From the help of our tea-loving uncle of ours? Sure,” she says denying his change._

_“Azula, you can change. I know it. It can work if you just allow us in,” he pleads. He wanted nothing but the best for his sister, and it hurt him seeing her like that._

_She averts her eyes away from him and shuts them close._

_“Im afraid you’re too late, Zuzu. Theres not much you can change anymore,” she says backing away from him. Zuko approaches her closer, but she kept backing away from him— further into the black room. Then, she was no longer seen anymore._

_Zuko gasps, “Azula?” He stands in the middle of the room alone._

* * *

Zuko gasps as he wakes up. He recognizes the familiar room and relaxes. He hears Kiyoko walk into the room.

“What happened?” He asks trying to sit up but winces at the throbbing pain on his head.

“You fainted,” the elderly woman had said. “You must eat. That was quite a fall you had.” He looks around the room and questions how did an older woman put him in bed.

“How did I—?”

She interrupts him, “The young woman helped me.” He fell silent. He didn’t know what else to say other than thanking her for her actions. Zuko had realized he hadn’t really eaten anything once he had gotten there. Kiyoko had left him alone, so he can process what had happened. He was alone now and had just discovered his sister was here years ago. What happened? Where did she go? He questioned himself these things until his stomach grumbled. It was now slowly becoming morning, and with the firelord slowly getting himself out of bed, he opens the curtains again. He watches the sky up above turning into a purple and pink color as the sun rose up from the clouds. He thought to himself that maybe he should wait until the market opens up, so he can eat something. To pass the time, he decides to get out of the building.

Once he exits, he sees the young woman sitting against the outside wall of the inn. She has her knees bent against her chest— her arms wrapped around her knees hugging it. She was staring off into the distance as if she wasn’t there physically in the world. As if anyone in the world can pass through her like if she didn’t exist. Zuko cleared his throat once he had approached closer to her.

“Hello,” he says greeting her. “Uh, thanks for. . . “ he stops himself. She turns her head to her side to see him. _She finally didn’t run away_ he thought to himself.

“Oh. She told you?” She questioned him. This was the first time Zuko had ever heard her speak. He was shocked.

“Yeah, she did. Thanks for helping her out once. . . I. . . you know— fainted?” He winces at his words. He didn’t know why he was so awkward sometimes. He hated it, and he just wanted to bury himself in a hole each time he felt embarrassed of himself.

“Its not a problem. I mean why would I allow an old woman carry the firelord onto his bed?” She laughs at her words. Zuko found this absurd because from the amount of times she had seen him, she was afraid and would run away, but now, she’s acting as if it never happened, and she’s laughing with him? It didn’t make sense.

“She told me about my sister, and I don’t know. . . I guess it shocked me, and I reacted that way. I want to know more. This is only the beginning, but I still have to find her somehow.” He sits on the ground next to the woman and buries his face in his hands in frustration. He rubs his temples and felt stuck on what to do. He had wished that his uncle was here with him, but maybe he wouldn’t have known what to do either. Even the authorities were stuck and discontinued the search. Everything seemed unfair. He knew how much of a powerful bender Azula was, and she was able to defend herself, but how long would she have been able to keep it up? Especially her mental state? How was she taking care of that without the help she needs. The woman stared at Zuko as he fell silent into his thoughts. She lets out a sigh.

“Azula was here years ago.”

He gasps at the information he was told coming from her. “Do you know where she went? Did you meet her?” He became desperate. He wanted answers now. He couldn’t bare going on another year or perhaps months without knowing about her.

“I was actually. . . I guess you can say a friend,” she pauses as Zuko widens his eyes. She waited for him to process the information. “My name is Meiko, and I will tell you, Firelord Zuko, about Azula.” It all made sense now. Why she was tearful at the speech. Why she ran away when they met eyes. She knew about it. She knew— perhaps everything! Everything he had wanted to know for so long, she had it with her. And only she knew about it, and she didn’t tell the world.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula-centric. 
> 
> WARNING: this segment of the chapter hints at sexual assault/ rape.

_“Hana. . . please get out of bed. Its been a week, and you haven’t been eating,” Meiko says to the almost lifeless girl. She had been in bed— facing the wall and not making eye contact with the girls. She would only mutter things to herself but not make a full conversation. Azula would hear her cries at night when the world was sound asleep._

_“Its all I ever see if I close my eyes,” she softly whispers. Hana sniffles and lets a tear slip away. Azula looks out the window and suddenly her vision went black. She sees Kumis body on the ground with blood all around her. Azula panics at the sight. She tried closing her eyes but it was all she was able to see. She turns around and sees her mother._

_“No,” she whispers to herself._

_“What is wrong with that child?” Her mother says. Azula’s eyes widened. Stop. Stop. Stop._

_“Hello, Azula.” She hears her fathers voice._

_“Father?” She turns around trying to find him, but all she saw was nothingness. She turns around once more and her father stood right in front of her._

_She gasps at the sight. The man she called her father who she admired so much more than her mother was so furious at her now. The man that told her to kill Zuko as he committed treason. The man that told her she was not needed anymore in his plan to become the Phoenix King. The man that verbally abused her if she did not listen to an order he told her to do._

_“You are a failure!” He says. “I should’ve exiled you when you lied about the avatars death. Both you AND Zuko.” She trembles. Her heart beat accelerates from the words of her father. If it’s one thing Azula fears about, is her father not wanting anything to do with her. Her father stands there in front of her expressionless. “That’s all you’ll ever be to me. A failure. I molded you to what you were supposed to be, yet you failed.” His voice turns sinister at those words._

_You’re a failure._

_You’re a failure._

_You’re a failure._

_The words of her father repeats in her head and her eyes brows furrowed in anger, “You can’t treat me like Zuko!” She spreads out her legs and works her hands to bend lightning. Lightning spews out of her finger tips as she moves her hands, until she felt someone wrap their arms around her. Meiko is hugging her tightly._

_“Azula, stop,” she says softly to her. Meiko had realized Azula was talking to herself and was bending lightning in the moment. She felt as if her life would end right then and there if she did not stop Azula. Azula not realizing what was going on, she scratches Meikos cheek causing her to bleed. Azula looks around the room afraid of what she had just experienced. She began to breathe heavy and sob._

_“Mom. . . He was just. . .” She looks around the room confused. She couldn’t finish her sentence as all the emotions came over._

_You’re a failure._

_Hearing the words in her head, she shoves Meiko off of her. Meiko lands on the ground on her back. Her eyes widened._

_“Azula. . .” She says worried. She reaches out her arm to the princess, but Azula swats it away from her._

_“Get away from me!” She demands._

_“Azula, stop! You’re scaring me,” Meiko pleads._

_“You_ **_should_ ** _fear me.” Azula smiles as she sees the fear in Meiko’s eyes. Meikos eyes began to tear up on the waterline. “You’re a just a weak woman that loves other women. You feel out of place since you can’t express yourself the way you want. It’s why you seclude yourself away from the outside world.”_

_Meiko begins to sob, “If you know how they treated me at the institution just for who I love, why would you say something like that?” Azula freezes. Her mind had recounted the many times Meiko was mistreated. The times she would hear her sob and wail in her room next door as the nurses put her in a restraint. The amount of times she would seem lifeless after her treatment. How she didn’t want to talk and softly cry herself to sleep. The times she would hear her begging the male nurses to stop as they touched her. Azula remembers it all. She began to tear up and kneel down to the ground where Meiko was._

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I said that,” Azula hugs Meiko. Meiko nods her head along to Azula’s words. She wipes the tears off her face and sniffles. She had accepted Azula's apology because she knew how potentially dangerous Azula would be if she turned her down. She didn’t want to risk that._

_For a moment, the room had fell silent. For everything that had happened, Hana never reacted. She stayed in her bed facing away from the girls. Not wanting to face reality._

_Azula sits on the ground against the wall— beneath the window and bends her knees and hugs them against her chest. She exhales a breath as she tries to process what had happened. What had it all meant? Is this how her parents actually viewed her? Or what she thinks of herself?_

_“You mentioned your mom. . . “ Meiko begins. “You don’t mention her quite often.” Azula looks at her in disbelief._

_She scoffs, “Why would I mention her? She’s a coward and pathetic.”_

_“What happened to her?”_

_“She’s still alive. . . sadly. She always thought of me as a monster and loved Zuko more,” she pauses. “It hurts, but I had my father. Together, we were almost set and stone ruling the world.” Meiko watches as Azula closes her eyes. “My mother was sent away for treason. She went to a place called Forgetful Valley near Hira’a. . . not too far from here and met a spirit named The Mother of Faces. She asked to change her face and along with that. . . she got rid of the memories of her life at the palace. Including her own daughter and son.”_

_Azula looks away from Meiko as she opens her eyes. She tried fighting her tears as she began to feel sad that for a while, she didn’t exist in her moms life anymore. Like if she didn’t matter anymore. As if nothing would affect her mom if something were to happen to them. She lets out a subtle frown that Meiko was not able to see._

_“She’s kind of like you,” Meiko mutters._

_“What?” Azula scoffs. “How can you say that? We are nothing alike! How dare you!” She began to feel furious at Meiko’s words. How can she compare her to a coward?_

_“Think about it, Azula. She felt so much pain and was also sad about her life there with your father. It took to a point where she wanted the memories gone just so she can stop feeling whatever she was feeling.”_

_“I don’t see what you’re getting at.”_

_“You ran away from your life and family at the palace. You’re trying to figure out yourself. You don’t like talking about your family, yet you’re doing the same thing like your mother.” Azula stays quiet. She never realized her mom had felt some things that Azula feels. Everything pointed to the palace. Where she went through so much pain and obstacles in her life there, she doesnt want to go back. She thinks she might never go back. It reminds her too much of her failures._

_“I suppose you’re right, Meiko.” Azula furrows her eyebrows._

_“So then, why are you mad?” Meiko shifts her sitting position on the floor waiting for an answer._

_“Are you mad at me?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then what are you mad at? Or who?”_

_Azula shuts her eyes tightly, “Im mad at myself!” Her mind flashes back to the time she was at Ember Island. The words that had just slipped out of her mouth were the same words that Zuko had said. He was angry at himself for not knowing what was right or what was wrong anymore, and she called him pathetic for it. Now that the words came out of her mouth, she didn’t think it was pathetic. She laughs at the memory._

_“Whats so funny?” Meiko questions with one eyebrow raised in confusion._

_“It’s funny because my brother said the same thing at Ember Island, and I called him pathetic!” She continues to laugh. Meiko shifts uncomfortable on the floor. “Its okay. You can laugh. Its funny.”_

_“I don’t think so.”_

_“You know, Ember Island is known to have special 'powers' where it changes people. . . that’s exactly what happened when my brother and my friends went. Everything changed. Its as if there was a shift where we did not know the outcome of our future knowing this realization. . . “ Azula stops herself from talking and begins to think._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation on the previous chapter :)
> 
> Surprise! two updates in the same day

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I wish she understood that she needs help and there are ways for her to—“ Zuko was interrupted.

“Excuse me, Firelord, but I don’t think the institution was helping either. I know it didn’t for me. ..” she pauses, “I was sent in there by family just for loving. . . for having feelings for a woman that I should be feeling for a man.” Zuko widens his eyes that people were sent just for that reason. “Since Firelord Sozin banned that, of course people of the Fire Nation would view me differently and treat me different. I thought my family would be acceptive, but I was wrong.”

“I’m sorry.”

Meiko closes her eyes, “If you had known what I had gone through, there’s no doubt that Azula had probably gone through the same. . . “

Zuko rests his hand on her shoulder, but she flinched at the feel of his hand touching her. She shifts away a little bit away from him. Zuko gave a concerned look in his eyes. _She has gone though so much_ he thought to himself. “I’m sorry.” He looks away from her and looks at the ground that he’s sitting on. He clears his throat softly. “Things have changed. More people are acceptive, and it is now legal.” Meiko opens her eyes and looks at Zuko.

“I know that, but it was different then. I have no plans for visiting my family for what they did to me.”

“Maybe they have changed their ways.”

“Maybe, but that’s what Azula felt. She had no plans going back home from all the memories of her pain and anguish.”

* * *

_It had been two months since Azula had disappeared. She heard in the village that they had heard that the princess had vanished and authorities were looking for her. As Azula walks in the market with a cloak on— hiding her face from the people, she heard from the people that they would arrive in a few days asking for her to everyone. Azula grabs all the food she was able to buy and makes it back in the inn._

_“Meiko, I have to go. I can’t stay here,” she says worryingly. She places the sack of food on the table in their large room. Meiko was tending to Hana. Hana began to not eat and was crying softly to herself. Meiko looks behind her to see Azula packing her stuff in a hurry._

_“Wha—? Azula, you can’t leave,” she pleads. She didn’t want to be by herself taking care of Hana. She couldn’t. She needs someone else to help her. “You can’t leave me with Hana.”_

_Azula approaches closer to Meiko and Hana on her bed. She makes a quick glance at Hana and says, “Meiko. . . she’s long gone. She can’t be fixed.” She walks away from the bed and continues to pack her things._

_“Azula,” she grabs Azula’s arm. Azula pushes Meikos hand away. She looks at Meiko in a discreet way of telling her to back off._

_“My destiny isn’t here. Its elsewhere. I have to go,” Azula averts her eyes away from Meiko. “You wouldn’t understand.” She lowers her voice._

_“Azula, please!”_

_“Just leave me alone!” She threatens Meiko with lightening spewing out of her fingers. Meiko stands in defense and bends a fire whip out at Azula. They stood there. . . watching each other. Knowing she couldn’t win in a fight with Azula, Meiko closes her eyes in defeat and looks away from Azula._

_“You know better,” Azula says. “If you try to find me, or even try to follow me, or tell anyone where you think I might go, I will find you and end you right then and there. You should fear me.” Meiko tries to fight her tears away looking at the ground. She found herself to have an emotional attachment to Azula. She couldn’t see her go. She would feel lost— especially with Hana not doing so good after seeing Kumi’s body. She wouldn’t know how she can go on._

_“Fine,” Meiko says in defeat. She looks away from Azula, and Azula packs whatever she can and packed some food in a sack and left the room. Meiko stood there in defeat and turned around and watched Azula walk away. She buries her face into her hands and cries softly to herself._

* * *

“That was the last time I saw her. . . “ Meiko says softly. “Days later, Azula was right about Hana. It was too late trying to help her. She died in her sleep.” Zuko runs his fingers through his hair processing what she had said. Azula wasn’t in a well mental state when she had left. She could’ve been hurt on her journey. Or anything could’ve happened to her really. Zuko lets out a sigh.

“Thank you for telling me.” He looks at her from the side, and she still had her knees bent against her chest hugging them. She hugs them tightly and buries her face on top her knees letting small tears slip out.

She sniffles, “It’s the least I can do. I was afraid of ever telling the authorities. I stayed silent and watched them ask questions to anyone, and you. . . making speeches every time the anniversary came. When I saw you. . . I was afraid of speaking up about it. I was confused and didn’t know if I should’ve told you. Now I know.” Zuko didn’t know what to say. They had sat there in silence as Zuko tries to think about where she could’ve gone. He thinks about why did she leave Meiko alone. What was this “destiny” she had mentioned of. Zuko lets out a sigh once more and rests the back of his head against the outside wall of the inn. He looks at the sky and sees the clouds covering the sun— causing the world to seem so gray.

“I think I know where she might’ve gone,” he says lowly.

“You do?”

“Yeah, to The Mother of Faces.”

* * *

“Goodbye, Firelord Zuko,” Kiyoko says bowing to him. Meiko does the same.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” he says to Kiyoko. Then, he looks at Meiko, “And thank you for bringing some answers about my sister.” He bows to them in departure. He walks away from them and out of the building. He began to pack his things on his ostrich-horse and had hopped on top of the ostrich horse. He began making his way to his mothers village, Hira’a. The place she had spent for most of her early life, and was forced to marry and disconnect her old life to her royalty one. The night sky was as dark as ever, but with the stars illuminating the sky a bit, Zuko didn’t seem to mind. With being alone, Zuko contemplates about the past. His mind racing to everything he has gone through and how it had shaped Azula and him all because of their dad and his manipulative ways. He tries to shake the thought away, but the horrors and trauma he had experienced could never leave his mind.

_A thirteen year old Zuko had laid in bed as his eye began to heal. He had shut the rest of the world out. Afraid of the destruction his own father had made. He begged for forgiveness, but his dad didn’t seem to care. Bandages wrapped around his head covering his eye, he was laying on the side of his head that was free of pain._

_He hears someone walk in._

_“How are you feeling?” The voice said. It was Azula’s. He said nothing to her and pretended he was asleep._

_“Why won’t you talk?” Azula raises her voice. Azula approaches his bed closely and looks at him. His eye watching her, but he had fell silent. He didn’t know what to say to her. Azula became furious at Zuko for not talking to her._

_“Fine. Don’t talk to me,” she turns her back away from him and begins to walk out of his room._

_“Why would I talk to you after—“ he pauses. It was the first time he had spoken since the injury. “I saw you, Azula! Y-you. . . you smiled as it happened!” He frowned subtly thinking about it. His body freezes as he remembers becoming prepared to fight only for it to turn out to be his father. The fear in his face when his dad approached him and didn’t have any sympathy when he begged and pleaded to him to stop. How he felt the heat burn his skin as his father made a move on him. Zuko didn’t fight back. It was his father. He didn’t think his own father would hurt him like that._

_The memory fades out of his mind when Azula is standing next to his bed._

_She leans over towards his ear and whispers, “Dad wanted you dead.” She smiles at her words._

_“He has always wanted you dead, Zuzu. You remind him of mom.’’_

_“Stop it.”_

_“I also heard he is sending you away.”_

_“You’re lying. He wouldn’t do that.”_

_“Why wouldn’t he? He’s the same man that had hurt you like that.” The tears began to well in his eyes as he faces away from Azula._

_He scrunches his nose and closes his eyes tightly, “Get out!” Azula lets out a small smile._

_“Fine. But, you wouldn’t have been in this situation if you hadn’t acted idiotic in the war meeting room. This was your own fault,” she whispers sinisterly. “Sleep well, Zuzu.” She walks away from the bed and out of his room._

“Azula didn’t mean that. Azula didn’t mean that. Azula didn’t mean that,” he says to himself as he rides down the path to Hira’a.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the last update as well! :) see ya next week 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have read "The Search" from the Avatar comics because this chapter will have some material from the comics.

Zuko had woken up as he camped out for the night. The sun was beaming down, and luckily there was a river nearby that he was able to get freshwater for him and his ostrich-horse. As he returns to his campsite, he makes himself a meal before he would head his way to Forgetful Valley. But before he makes it to Forgetful Valley, he has to pass through Hira’a. The place where his mother spent her early life with a man she was engaged with, but she was forced to marry Ozai. How things could’ve been different if that hadn’t happened.

Zuko pulls the reins of his ostrich-horse and guides him towards the village. It was a small village where their main attraction was performing arts. Something his mom loved to do when she was younger. As he makes his way to the heart of the village, there’s a stage near it, and the people are crowding themselves near it— watching a performance. Zuko becomes interested to see what was happening— to get his mind off of the stress he had overwhelmingly felt for the past weeks. . . perhaps not even weeks. Years. He gets off of the ostrich-horse and holds onto him by using the reins, and he stands behind the crowd-- watching the stage from afar.

There was a man and a woman performing a dance with fire bending. One where the man and woman were angrily throwing fireballs at each other and spinning— dodging each others attacks. The man gets tired of trying to attack, and dances forward to the woman wanting reconciliation, but she attacks him harder where the blast had passed the man from the side, and the dancer falls on the ground— acting as if he was badly injured. The woman stops herself from bending fire and the music quiets down. It turns into a somber note, and she walks slowly towards the man. She helps the man get up, and they are dancing together slowly. Following each others footsteps holding one hand. Then they separate, and they dance away from each backwards. The woman does a backflip and puts her hands up and spins and dances closer to the man. The music begins to crescendo and becomes fast. The dancers working themselves to the beat of the music dancing to each other closer, until the music stops at a halt and the man and woman are hugging each other in embrace.

The performance ends and the crowd claps and whistles at the performers. The performers look at each other in a smile and bow down to the people. Zuko was stunned. The relationship between the man and the woman had reminded him of the relationship with him and Azula. When they were fighting and the man wanting them to make amends only for the woman to hurt him. In the end, they made up, and Zuko remained hopeful that that is what is going to happen between him and Azula. Zuko makes his way out of the scene of the performance and makes his way to the other side of the village behind him where there was market stands, and he had bought himself and his companion food for them to eat for the week. He thanks the seller, and puts the fresh food in his sack and walks with the ostrich-horse holding on its reins guiding it where he wanted to go.

Heading his way towards Forgetful Valley leaving Hira’a behind, he sees a long shadow in the sky when he looks up. Zuko puts his hand horizontally on his forehead trying to block the sun from not allowing him to see what was in the sky. As the shadow ascended down, Zuko was able to see that it was white and fluffy. Then he saw the bisons arrow.

“Appa?” He gasps seeing the bison. Appa ascended more downward and pushes Zuko to the ground licking his face causing Zuko to let go of his companions reins. The ostrich-horse runs away from fright from the flying bison. Zuko grunts as he felt the bisons saliva covering his face and hair. Aang greets Zuko as he jumps off of Appa. He approaches Zuko and extends his arm out offering to help the firelord up from the ground. Zuko reaches his hand out at Aangs and holds onto it. Feeling the strength coming from Aang, Zuko was able to stand up. He had forgotten how the avatar had grew and gotten stronger since the war had ended. Aang was almost passing his height. Aang was no longer the kid Zuko had met years ago.

“Thanks, Aang,” Zuko says softly giving a small smile. He looks around the area trying to find his ostrich-horse. “Wait— where’d he go?” His eyes frantically moving around trying to spot the animal. Realizing his companion could no longer be seen, he let out a sigh that he probably won’t ever see it anymore. Luckily, the animal had dropped his belongings when it shook himself away from Zuko’s grip. Zuko picks up his sack from the ground and puts it over his shoulder. He had almost forgot why Aang was even in Hira’a, or how he found him in the first place. He pauses as he realized he hadn’t even asked him anything. His eyebrow raises up in question. “How did you know where I was?”

Aang lets out a cheery smile. Despite all the dangers the avatar had faced in his life, he still remained cheerful. That was what Zuko was jealous of about Aang. “I learned an air bending technique called spiritual projection. I’m able to find you because you’re spiritually connected with me in a way.” Zuko widens his eyes at that. He had remembered that Aang was his great grandfather just reincarnated as the monk he sees today. “Because Roku was—“

“My great grandfather. . . “ Zuko interrupted. “I know.” He lets out a small smile at his best friend. “But even that. . . why are you here? Shouldn’t you be building Republic City?”

“That can wait. Besides, I was ordered to find you from your uncle. He’s getting concerned you know?” Aang pauses. “You haven’t written to them in a month. They grew worried about your whereabouts.” Zuko licks his lips trying to remember how all the time had passed. He looks at Aang where he was an expecting an answer from Zuko.

“I— I hadn’t realized it had already been a month. . . “ he trails off. The thought of how much time had passed scared him. Where did the time go? Traveling to every village and town in his nation took him days and weeks. Thankfully he had met Meiko and she told him everything, but still, he hadn’t realized how much time had gone. It haunted him.

“Zuko, are you okay?” Aang rests his hands on the firelords shoulder with a concerned look in his eyes. Zuko hadn’t noticed the gesture and was staring out in front of him. “Zuko?” Zuko blinked and focused his attention on the young monk.

“Y-yes I’m fine,” he says clearing his throat.

“I know you’re looking for Azula. You shouldn’t go through this alone.” Aang lets out a small smile. Zuko nods at him, and they head their way to Forgetful Valley. “Were you really going to Forgetful Valley and wait for the Mother of Faces to go to your pool of water on your own? That takes weeks.” Aang laughs at the thought. Zuko smiles at Aang.

“Worth a shot.”

* * *

When they made it to the valley and began walking deep into the lustrous forest, Aang had found a pool of water. The wolf spirit was no where to be seen drinking from its waters. Zuko knew what Aang was going to do to retrieve the spirit. Zuko just stands and watches Aang sit near the water criss-crossed and folded his hands in a certain way to go into the spirit world. He had remembered Aang had said before that it was very tranquil there and reminded him of Tui and La’s pool in the Northern Water Tribe. Zuko sat behind Aang near a tree just watching him in awe doing his Avatar ways.

Aang was in the spirit world and his body was still on earth. Zuko didn’t know what else to do but watch. He looked around the green forest and had remembered when Azula was with him wanting answers about their mother. How much she disliked the answers the spirit had given them about their mother. How much she hated the thought that their own mother had forgotten about them on purpose just to take the pain away. Stuck in his thoughts, Zuko sees Aangs body twitch. He was coming out of the spirit world. Aang gets up and was now in reality with Zuko.

“She’s here,” he says with a small smile. Zuko gets up and stands next to Aang near the pool waiting for the spirit to come. They heard bubbling noises coming from the surface of the waters and once Zuko looked down, he had seen many faces of people from the past appearing on the surface. Thousands of them appeared until the Mother of Faces showed herself. She stood tall with her vine-like body and enlarged pointy fingers. Her many faces revolved around her neck where she is able to see at any direction.

“Hello, Avatar Aang,” she says warmly, “what brings you here to my valley?” She opens her arms wide gesturing to the forest that is her own.

“Just one request,” he says lifting up one finger signifying the one request he was going to ask. He turns to Zuko, and he looks back at him. Aang nods his head at the firelord notifying him to ask her what he had been wanting to all these years.

“Oh Mother of Faces, I have come a long way trying to find my sister, Princess Azula. I have a speculation that she had come here wanting a new identity,” he says holding back tears. He felt that he was so close to the end of the search. He wanted it to be over where he can know the answers to his questions. The questions he had been asking himself everyday since she was reported missing. The questions that ate him with each passing day not knowing what happened to her. He waits for the spirit to say something as she thinks about the many encounters of humans wanting a new identity over the years.

“Ah yes, Princess Azula,” she says softly. “I can tell you are in pain and hurt, Firelord Zuko. I have the answers to the questions you wish to seek.” Zuko nods his head respectively to the spirit waiting patiently for the answers. “Beautiful young woman I must say. She came here about four or five years ago wanting a new identity. Broken soul, yes. I felt terribly sorry for her. Reminded me of when your own mother had come here many years ago.”

* * *

 _Azula was camping inside the valley going to different pools waiting to see the wolf spirit drinking the water. She had woken up to many creatures with a design of a face on their body just sitting on the branches of the many trees in the valley. She must be here she thought. Soon, the wolf spirit appeared and began to drink the water from the pool. Azula watched in awe of the spirit. She approached closer to the pool of water and waited. Soon, the many faces of the people in the past began to appear on the surface of the water._

_The tall vine-like spirit rose above from the water showing herself to the princess._

_“Human, what do you ask of me?” She said seriously. Azula stood stunned at the sight of the spirit. The last time she had arrived, she wasn’t in the right state of mind._

_“Mother of Faces, pardon for summoning you, but I would like to apologize for my behavior the last time I had encountered you.” The spirit watched the princess apologize and began to judge her apology._

_“Ah yes, I remember. Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. You were with the avatar. From the looks of it, you seem desperate. How may I be at your service?” She says softly. Azula drops down to her knees and contemplated if she really wanted to go through the process._

_“I would like a new identity,” she says coming to terms of what she wanted. The spirit let out a puzzled look at the princess wondering why a woman of such beauty and status to the world would just want to fall off the face of the earth._

_“Do you wish to have a new face?”_

_Azula looks down to the ground and at her hands. She was trembling at the thought. A new identity. A new life. “Yes.”_

_“A new mind perhaps?” The spirit holds out a plain face. Azula closes her eyes but hesitates. She thinks about it for a moment. Free from pain. Free from her trauma. Free from her feelings. She will be fine. She will be normal. She would no longer be labeled as crazy by the people of her nation. She will simply be normal. She allows a tear to escape from her face._

_“Yes.” Azula looks up from the ground and into the face of the spirit. The Mother of Facesextends out her arm with the face floating at the palm of her hand— wanting to allow it to take Azula’s identity. Azula watched as the face became closer to her own._

_“Hold still,” the spirit says softly._

**_Her mind flashes to a conversation she had with Zuko years ago._ **

_“The other morning you had my body over the cliff wanting to throw me out of this earth. Why didn’t you, dear brother? It would’ve made your life easier.” She said breathless. She wasn’t herself. She was breathing frantically. Her eyes had dark circles from the lack of sleep preventing her from seeing her nightmares. They were in the home of Noriko, the woman who they had now known was their mother with a new face. Zuko was calm. He was stunned that she had brought up the argument they had from the day earlier. He lets out a sigh._

_“That morning on the cliff. . . “ he stops himself from talking about it. It was something he didn’t think he would do. Clenching onto his sisters shirt as her body dangled over the cliff. He could’ve let go. He could’ve. But deep down, he knew it wasn’t right. It shouldn’t have to be that way. He looks away from her closing his eyes tightly trying to fight the tears from slipping out. “Azula, our relationship is so messed up! It has always been like that since we were children!” He allowed the tears to slip out. “I don’t know if it’ll always be like this. The constant fighting and arguing, but there’s one thing that I know.” He pauses once more. Tears streaming down his face as his eyebrows furrowed in agony. He was angry at the relationship. He wanted them to be in good terms. He wanted that. But there was so much unspoken things, and how their father had pinned them against each other, perhaps it won’t be fixed, but Zuko had hope. “What I know is that you’ll always be my sister! I love you.”_

_Azula stood there where her body leaned against the broken dresser from their fight from earlier. Her eyes widened at what he had said. Tears began welling in her eyes. She shut her eyes tightly away from her brother. She opened them trying to fight her tears._

_Through clenched teeth she said, “shut up!”_

**__ **

_Azula had snapped herself from the memory. The words were repeating in her head._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_Before the new face can consume her own, Azula backs away._

_“Wait— don’t!” The spirit stops from continuing the procedure. “Don’t.” Azula puts her hands in her face and sobs. She couldn’t bring herself to do it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one was one of my favorite to write. It flowed out perfectly, and I am very proud of it. Hope you enjoyed reading it and look forward for the next chapter. As always, thanks for the kudos, comments, and even just reading it :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter mentions blood and violence

_All Azula did was sob as the spirit retreated away from her. The spirit had sank itself down into the water and disappeared-- leaving Azula alone with her thoughts. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was breathing frantically over the almost identity change. She wanted to. She really wanted to have a new mind and a face, but it all came with a price. Losing her title of being the princess of the fire nation. How it would all just slip away as if she didn’t exist at all. She wouldn’t have known how she’d go on without knowing her family and somehow living a life without one. She had to end it. She had to._

_Sitting against one of the many trees of the forest, Azula sat against the trunk of a tree. Her knees were bent against her chest as she hugged her arms around it. Her grip tightening it. Her face buried into her knees. She tried calming herself down. She let go of her grip off her knees and touched the grass. She rubbed her fingers against it._

_“This is real. The grass is real,” she muttered to herself. She payed attention to the water as it gleamed and payed attention to the small of nature. She relaxed herself and soon she got up from the ground. Her steps making her go forward towards the water, she stares at at for a moment seeing her reflection. How much her face seemed slim. She didn’t really look like herself. She had dark circles and bags under her eyes from not sleeping much. She hadn’t slept too often from protecting herself at night. Seeing the state she was in, she cried once more and slapped the water as her reflection became distorted._

_“Well done, my daughter,” a voice said. As the water became calm, Azula saw the reflection of her own mother._

_“You again?” She said icy. She knew what was bound to happen. Every time her mother appeared, Azula would lose it. She knew what it meant and she just wanted everything to be over._

_“This was not your destiny, my child. Your destiny with the New Ozai Society was not your destiny either, yet you convinced yourself that it was.” Azula closes her eyes tightly. “Your destiny is somewhere else. Not here. You’ve done a lot of good that you haven’t realized. Please discover yourself.”_

_Azula pursed her lips together and furrowed her eyebrows in anger, “Get out!” She opens her eyes and sees the reflection of her mother on the water had disappeared. She gasped seeing that she was alone in the forest. She was confused. Hurt. Not knowing what to do. She brought her knees down to the ground and cried frustrated. She placed her hands on the grass and began to pull at it frantically. Not knowing she was hurting the forest, the spirit creatures appeared and began to chant._

_“Get out! Get out! Get out!” The creatures of the forest flew past her and swarmed her fragile state. Azula wails in sadness as the creatures flew around her-- causing her bangs to flare up as the wind created from their flapping wings. “Get out! Get out! Get out!” The creatures continued to chant. Azula gets up from the ground fighting off tears. She grabbed her things and bolted out of the expansive forest as the creatures of the forest forced her out._

_Azula made it out of the valley but was stuck in a daze on what had happened. She didn’t know why she didn’t just change her identity like she convinced herself that, that was what she wanted, but deep down, it wasn’t. She didn’t want to give up her identity. Her identity of being royalty to her nation and suddenly did not exist anymore with a new face and a new mind? It occurred to her how much it would pain her to have a life without “knowing” of her past and live in a blank slate, which is why she was left confused. She was still hurting and in pain, but as of now, she wasn’t too sure of what to do next. She walks into the nearby village for the night and stays in her thoughts._

_Azula stays for the night at an inn. She was tired, but she had forced herself to stay up. She didn’t want her nightmares to continue. She lays in bed not sure of what to do next. But as her body slowly gives up on staying awake, Azula’s eyes flutter and soon they shut down._

_Azula is back at the inn with Kiyoko, Meiko, and Hana. Azula is staring at the window seeing the heart of the village. She then sees Kumi walking happily with food that she had bought at the market place. Azula sees a man creep behind her, and Kumi becomes startled and drops the food to the ground. Kumi tries fighting to defend herself, but the man was still behind her— trying to hide himself by standing behind her and following her every move to avoid being attacked. Soon, Kumi turns around finally and was met with multiple stab wounds on her neck. Her eyes widen at the realization of what had happened, and she begins to choke on her own blood as it comes flowing out of her mouth and wound. She falls to ground helplessly and lifelessly. Her eyes had fixed her gaze at Azula through the window. Her eyes staring at her wanting help_ **_._ **

_Azula gasps as she wakes up from her nightmare. She fire-bends a flame on the palm of her hands trying to find out where she was. She was panicking but soon remembered she was at a new inn and was not with Meiko and Kiyoko anymore. She looks down at her hands and sees that its covered in blood. She began to breathe heavy. Her chest heaving trying to keep up with Azula’s sudden panic. She runs to the bathing room trying to wash her hands. The water flowing out of the tap, she scrubs and scrubs with her eyes watching her own hands trying to see if any blood was coming off. It wasn’t coming off. She panics even more where she couldn’t catch her own breath. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, her hands are free of blood. It was never there in the first place. Her hands were red and irritated from the constant scrubbing. She looks up from the sink and into the mirror only to see Kumis body from how she had saw it back at the other village. Azula screams at the image and closes her eyes tightly._

_“Its not real. Its not real. Its not real,” she told herself. She opens them and Kumi was no longer there. Overwhelmed of what she had seen, Azula slumps down to the ground and cries softly to herself. She wanted it to end._

* * *

“Im sorry, Firelord Zuko, she didn’t change her identity. She left in a hurry after my creatures went after her for destroying the nature of the valley. I hope I was a bit of a help,” The Mother of Faces says, and her spirit descends down to the pool of water. Zuko was left stunned. He didn’t know what to think. He felt confused. He felt lost. He had felt as if he was back at square one. He was so close to the end of the search hoping she had changed her identity and was somehow happy amongst her new life, but instead, she was afraid about the consequences of the change. Aang places his hand on his friends shoulder as comfort.

“I’m sorry, Zuko,” is all Aang says. Zuko looks down at the grass below him and watches how it swiftly moves as the wind blew. He had come to terms that he still had to find her.

 _Control the controllable._ The voice of his uncle appeared in his mind. Zuko looks up from the ground and into the sky. He let out an assertive nod, and walks away from the pool.

“Come on,” Zuko says sternly to Aang. Aang follows behind him hoping Zuko was okay.

“Where are we going?” Aang asks. The firelord had no answer. The voice of the monk wasn’t heard and instead sounded muffled in Zuko’s head. He furrowed his eyes in determination to find his sister. He began to walk faster than he was earlier and found himself outside of the valley where Appa had waited for them. “Where are we going?” Aang asks again trying to catch up and louder this time. Zuko still hadn’t acknowledge the voice. “Zuko!” Aang finally reaches up to him and places his hand on his shoulder. Zuko flinches as if he was startled. “Where are we going?”

Zuko stops in his tracks. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t even know what was the next plan. What to do next. He was conflicted of his own feelings. Zuko began to breathe heavily trying to control it. As he took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down, his hands were trembling. Tears welled in his eyes being frustrated of the whole thing. He lets out a fierce grunt and looks up into the sky once more angrily.

“Where are you?!” He yells out. “Where—“ he pauses as he voice became fragile compared to the fierce yell he said earlier. He looks at Aang as tears began forming in his waterline. Aang looked at him with concern but soon leaped into a hug to his friend.

“We’ll find the answers, Zuko. I know it,” Aang whispers to the firelord. Zuko allowed a few tears escape, but he had to stop himself. He had to collect himself if he was going to continue his search. He pulls away, collecting himself and processing the whole thing. “I know its frustrating, but we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Aang tries comforting him with his words. “Can you think of any other place she might’ve gone?” Zuko tries to think. He had remembered his conversation with Meiko a few days ago. He recalled that Meiko had told him about Azula mentioning Ember Island. He widened his eyes at the possibility.

“A friend of Azula’s that I encountered told me Azula mentioned Ember Island,” Zuko said softly. He didn’t want to sound enthusiastic because he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Aang softly smiles at the optimism.

“Okay then. Lets go. It wouldn’t hurt to try,” Aang says holding onto Zuko’s shoulder giving a gesturing light squeeze. Zuko gives a soft smile, and Aang helped him up to go on the saddle on top of Appa. Aang sat at the front and held onto the reins and guided Appa to the island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter briefly and subtly (in a way) mentions sexual assault and rape. 
> 
> Azula-centric chapter!

_Azula packs her things in a hurry and leaves the inn. She puts on a cloak to not be seen by the people of the village, and soon she found herself walking in the middle of nowhere. She still had plenty of money that she had saved, but she was wondering if she was doing the right thing. She was conflicted of her own decisions from the values that was ingrained to her by her father. Her mother told her she did a lot of good that she doesnt think about. What had she meant by that? She had always told herself that what she did was not her own decisions. It was to make her father proud of her and resent Zuko even more. Whatever her dad disliked, she did the same, and Zuko was one of the things he disliked. With her father not in her life where he won’t manipulate her anymore, Azula was conflicted on what was right and what was wrong._

_She makes her way into a ferry ride, and she finds herself looking out at the water as she pressed her abdomen against the railing. Azula tried not to think about anything and tried keeping it together as many people were going on the ferry. The wind softly brushes through her hair causing her to trying to fix her bangs each time. She avoided any social interaction, for she was too afraid of being noticed. She heard the whispers of the many passengers within the ferry, but she tried to restrict herself from feeling anything. She felt the many eyes of the men that helped steer the ferry, but she too, tried to avoid the predatory feeling that they were emanating. The stares of these men make her remember to a certain time in the institution. Her mind had blocked that memory as the years went by, but at this moment, she remembered those memories._

_The memories were she was woken up in her sleep and a male nurse was touching her in places where she had never been touched before. The times were she was left unconscious and felt pain between her legs when she would wake up and all she was able to do is go back to sleep as the tears slowly slipped down her eyes. She tried not to remember. There was also a time where she woke up and felt someone pulling down her bottoms, and she tried fighting them off and scream, but she was left with a hand covering her mouth as it happened. She gave up fighting. She felt lost of control. She had never felt that way before. She felt powerless. Hopeless. She couldn’t fend for herself because she was tied up to her bedpost for how dangerous she was and wasn’t able to bend because of that. Her medication had also left her feeling sluggish. She tried to convince herself that it was only a dream and none of the things that happened to her was not real because those things shouldn’t have happened especially to the princess of the nation. The men on the ferry eyeing her had only protruded those memories in her mind that she tried so hard to forget for many years. The pit of her stomach feeling tight, and soon she left the railing and hid herself from the rest of the people. Closing her eyes and telling herself that she is fine, that she is safe and the things happening in her mind are in the past and should stay in the past. Azula repeats this mantra as tears slip down her face slowly and quietly to herself, so she wouldn’t draw attention to the passengers._

_Soon, she arrived at Ember Island. The last time she had gone there was with her so-called friends and Zuko. The memories flooded back on that day. What they said is true about the island, it has some powers that changes people. Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her days later after coming here. Zuko found his own destiny, and Azula. . . well Azula lost herself in the midst of it. She told herself to come here and discover something about herself. She was hoping to find that._

_She makes her way to the abandoned vacation home that her family would go to when she and Zuko were younger. She stood at the front of it. She found it hard to step in as her feet felt glued to the ground. Her eyebrows formulating a concerned expression of all the memories that seemed happy to her were just now different compared to the state in which her family was in now. Everything had changed. She didn’t know if for the worse or for the better. She turns away thinking it was a mistake coming there. As if she was wasting her time, but something compelled her to walk in. She walked into the empty home and put down her things on the floor. She had seen paintings of her parents. Some of her and Zuko as a child. She studied them with careful observation. Thinking back to a time where she was young and was not a fire bender at the time. A time where she wasn’t hurt or had trauma. She held back her tears thinking to herself of how did everything go wrong._

_She entered into a room after she climbed a set of stairs. She had forgotten what the room was for and was reminded that it was their playroom. Some toys she had were still scattered on the floor and seemed as if it hadn’t been touched for years. Azula remembers the times her and Zuko would play in there. It was where she showed signs that she was a fire bender._

_**She remembers the time she showed Zuko about her ability.** _

_“Zuko, come look!” Azula said as a small flame flowed gently on the palm of her hands. Zuko came closer to his little sister and saw the flame. His eyes widened at the sight._

_“Woah, you can do that?” He said in awe. Zuko wasn’t a fire bender yet, and their father was afraid he wouldn’t be one._

_She looks up at him and smiles, “I guess so. Look!” She took her arm out, pushing force into the air, and a flame is shot in the room in front of Zuko. Zuko gasps and moves to the side as the flame goes past him._

_“Azula, you have to be careful next time!” She was happy at her powers. She looked at her hand with such intricate detail that she was amazed at what she could do._

_“Wait until dad sees this!” She says and runs out of the playroom._

_She now stands in the middle of the room as her mind reminds her of the many memories she had there. Alone._

_Trying not to think about the past, Azula made herself food that she had packed for herself and from the marketplaces she stopped by along the way. Azula sat on the floor by a low table on the first floor of the home. The sun was slowly setting showing its purple and orange/ pink colors. She stayed in silence taking in her food._

_After her meal, she had decided to sit out in the sand in front of the water. She plopped her body on the grainy sand and watched as the waves consumed each other._

_“I don’t get why I’m here,” she says to herself. “Why did you compel me to come here, mother?”With no response, Azula found herself frustrated. What had she come here for? Was it to make her even more broken than she already was? She didn’t understand. “Show yourself!” She says getting up from the sand and kicking it. She lets out a groan and slumped back to the ground. She tries calming herself down seeing the waves, but it didn’t help her out at all. She looks up into the night sky seeing a crescent moon and gets up from the granule sand and makers her way back into the home._

_Azula goes into what used to be her room. A neatly made bed had awaited her, and she put herself between the sheets, and soon the exhausted princess had drifted to sleep._

********

_“My darling,” her mothers voice was heard. Azula was sitting against the tree that was near the turtle-duck pond in the palace. Her mother was sitting next to her and had her eyes fixated on her daughter. She holds onto her daughters hand. “Azula, I sense you are frustrated on your path. Care for an insight?”_

_Azula widens her eyes at the soft gesturing her mother had made. She had missed that feeling. “Why am I here? Why are you here?”_

_“You are so close to your destiny, my child.” Her mother places her hand on Azula’s face caressing her cheek. Azula places her hand over her moms and tears began to form on her waterline. She slowly puts her moms hand away from her face._

_“You keep saying that, but I don’t know what you mean! Why am I here? Why do you keep telling me that? Theres nothing for me!” Ursa expresses a concerned look at her daughter. “I know you think of me as a monster, mother” Azula’s voice became soft. She looks away from her mother._

_“No, I do not. Azula, you did more good than you expect. You think exposing the New Ozai Society was your destiny. That your intention was to show Zuko how he can become ruthless just like—“_

_“My father and I,” she interrupted. “I told him that in a way, it was me as the Firelord if he had kept acting like that.” She blinks. “I mean— wouldn’t that be? Wouldn’t that make me be the firelord in a way? If Zuko—“ she stops with her eyes widened. She now realized that wasn’t the case._

_“You’re starting to notice it, my daughter.” Ursa places her hand on Azula’s shoulder. “You had left him with an open eye about who he could become. You had made him far more self-aware on how he could act as a Firelord. He even makes sure he is doing the right thing, and tries to stray away from an idea that may sound like you or your father might’ve made.” Azula had finally realized. She had done more good than harm._

_“I did a good thing?” She whispers to herself._

_“Yes, Azula. You took him to Ember Island, and he discovered himself. You led him to the right path in a way. You brought him back home, only for him to realize it was not what he wanted. Every action you had made has helped him shape into the person he had to become. Zuko has fulfilled that destiny, and now, you have completed your own destiny.”_

_Azula opens her eyes from the dream. It all made sense now. Her destiny was to help Zuko become the Firelord he wanted to be. Not what she wanted to be. She allowed small tears to escape._

_She sobs at the thought of it being her destiny. It was over. “Then there’s nothing for me here,”_ _she whispers to herself._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have been holding off on posting these next few chapters because I'm so nervous about them! 
> 
> WARNING: This chapter mentions vomiting briefly.

_Azula had woken up again to a feeling of someone poking the side of her body repeatedly. She woke up alarmed and tried to adjust what she was seeing in front of her eyes._

_“Why are you here?” She says with a distaste in her mouth as the words slipped out. There stood her older brother. “How did you find me? I didnt want to be found.” Zuko sat at the edge of the bed as his legs dangled out from the side of the bed. She hadn’t expected to see him there. She didnt want to be sent home. Not at the institution. Not anywhere. She didnt belong anywhere. In fact, she felt like she couldn’t stay there any longer. Each day felt as if she was suffocating from the many things that she had experienced, and how people thought of her, and how **she** thought people viewed herself. It was a constant battle between herself everyday that she couldn’t keep up anymore._

_“You brought me here,” he says softly._

_“Thats unlike you. You hate me.”_

_“Thats not true. I never did.”_

_Her eyes widened at the mention. She hated it when he would tell her that he never hated her because she knew he was lying— or so she thought. He was looking at the ground below him on the bed. She eyed him as he was lost in thought. He looks up at her for a moment._

_“Do you ever think we can be how a brother and sister should be?”_

_“I don’t know,” she muttered. As much as she thought of it as a nice idea, there was too much strain between them. She couldn’t get herself to become like him. It wasn’t like her. “It’ll always be like this, Zuko. I will always be me, and you will be you.”_

_“I blame father,” he mutters to himself. It was true. It was because of their father putting them against each other. He saw how Zuko was more like his mom, so there was no use in wanting him to become ruthless, and so his time and attention was to his daughter. Azulas eyes welled up. He was right. The absence of their mother had only made it worse. How things changed so much in the palace. How Zuko was mistreated each time he opened his mouth just because their mother wasn’t there to protect him. How much she resented Zuko from the “bad things” he would do that her father scolded him about. She reaches out her hand to his shoulder._

_“Zuko. . . I’ve been thinking. Thinking this for a while now,” she pauses. She hesitates for what she was about to say. “Just you and me. Get rid of this constant pain we have. The constant nagging in my head. How it can all just end in a quick action. Wouldn’t you want that? A sense of freedom?” Zuko hadn’t said anything. He was facing the ground again and didnt move at all in his position. “Well?” Her voice grew louder. She was expecting an answer, and now she felt foolish for ever bringing it up. “Fine then!” She grows angry at the silence. “Arent you going to say anything?” Her voice even more louder. She scoffs at the silence and cold shoulder her brother was giving her. “Dad was right for calling you weak.” She furrowed her eyebrows and shot her arm out having her palm facing towards Zuko. A shot of flame spewed out of her palms and went through Zuko. His body disappearing like a phantom._

_She had realized he was never there with her. It was only in her head. As it always had been for as long as she can remember ever since she ran away. She was tired of it. Tired of the visions, the voices, and the flashbacks. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She couldn’t tell what was real and what was only the tricks in her head. She wanted it to be over._

* * *

Zuko looks out from the water below Appa. How dark the water was and how strong the waves were at this time of day. The ride on Appa was fairly quiet as Aang didnt want to provoke the firelord. Zuko was confused of his feelings. He hadn’t known how to deal with it ever since they visited Forgetful Valley. He felt so helpless knowing she backed away from changing her identity, but now, he was hoping his instincts were right about where she could’ve gone. Aang kept the thoughts to himself. Aang remembered to when he had received a message from a messenger hawk that was addressed from Uncle Iroh back at Republic City. The city was in the process of being built and so was his air temple island, that he had to pause the things for the moment to help Zuko. It was a desperate call for help since Zuko hadn’t written any updates on his journey. It was as if he fell off the face of the earth, and no one knew what had happened to him. Aang remembered the look on Iroh’s, Ursa’s, and Mai’s face when he arrived to the palace wanting to discuss about Zuko. They all had expressed how worried they were for him because no one had caught sight of him.

Aang stares out to the water in front of him as he guided Appa towards the island. Zuko felt nervous about how close they were getting to the island. How much he wanted to know the truth on her disappearance, and how much he was scared of the truth. He couldn’t back away now. Thats not what he should be thinking either. But the fear of what might’ve happened to her still lingers in him, and he doesnt know if the guilt will eat him up alive. His stomach felt tight as he looks ahead and sees the island. How much he had wanted to regurgitate the food he had eaten earlier, and riding on Appa over the ocean wasn’t helping either.

Appa descends downward to the sand as they got closer to the former firelords private section of Ember Island. Zuko hadn’t come here at all since the day Aang went missing before Sozins Comet. An unsettling feeling rushed through Zuko’s body and his stomach tightened at the thought. Aang had gotten off of Appa, but Zuko sat there in the saddle afraid of what was to come.

Aang watches Zuko from below and encourages him to get off.

“Come on. We’re here.” Zuko nods at his friends words and gets off of the bison. His hands were shaking once they walked closer to the vacation home. He tightened his hands into a fist to stop it from shaking. _Control the controllable_ he thinks to himself _._ As the avatar and the firelord stood in front of the home, the lingering feeling of something tragic stayed within him. This was the home of his family when they would go on vacation where things seemed happy. Where he felt happy and everyone was okay. He closes his eyes from the memories. He hated being there, but if this was where she could’ve gone, then he must see it for himself.

When Aang and Zuko walked in, the home was dark. It was left fine as how it was, but he had hope that there was signs of her anywhere. They walked around inside the home searching for clues. The beds in each bedroom were left nicely done. There was one room he hadn’t checked and it was the playroom that the two of them used a lot when they were children.

He opens the door with Aang following behind him, and they see plenty of toys that they used when they were children. The room seemed as if there was hardly any activity. In front of the doorway across the room were large and wide windows. The sun setting downward off the horizon had let a beam on sunlight protrude through the window and onto the wooden floorboards. Zuko looks down at the wooden floorboards and saw something twinkling underneath through the cracks. He kneeled down and tried to take out the board as Aang looked at him in a confused look.

“Uh, Zuko? What are you doing?” He says behind his friend. Zuko put his fingers on the outline of the floorboard and tried having his fingernails puncture the cracks of the wooden floorboard trying to take it out.

“I see something underneath,” he says softly trying to concentrate trying to get it out. Finally, his index fingernails got a hold of the corner of the floorboard and he pulled. Grunting from trying to take it out, Zuko flicked back from pulling out the floorboard, and his back hit Aangs lower stomach letting out a grunt from Aang. There was now a narrow- empty space on the ground where the floorboard used to lay, and Aang and Zuko walked closer to it. Zuko sees the twinkling object and kneels down once again and reaches his hand out at the empty space. His hand felt something cold as if it were metal, and he grabs it. His eyes widened at what he saw once he pulled his arm out. It was Azula’s golden crown. Zukos stomach dropped as he realized this. He felt empty. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know what to think. Aang places his hand on Zuko’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring squeeze. Zuko looks up at the avatar and gives a small nod.

He didn’t know what this had meant. Was she still out there? Aang walks closer to the spot where the floorboard sat and he reaches his hand in.

“I think there’s something else in here,” he says sticking out his tongue out of his lips concentrating on where this object was. His eyes widened when he felt his fingertips touch the object and pulls it out. It was paper rolled up with a red ribbon tied. Zuko gets up from the floor and approaches Aang. “I think this is for you.” Aang hands out the paper to the firelord and Zuko opens it. His eyes widening and moving left to right over the letter. So many emotions came at him at once, and he couldn't process what he was reading. His heart pumping fast as it ever could have, his head feeling light-headed, his hands trembling. He began breathing heavy and soon that breathing turned into a panic. His eyes still moving left to right until his eyes stopped moving. He was done reading. “Zuko?” Aang reaches his hand out to the firelord but Zuko was in a trance. He had blocked out the whole world and didn’t notice Aang had called him. His knees felt weak and dropped to the ground.

He pants, “Give me a minute.” Trying to catch his breath, Zuko felt the content in his stomach rise up and soon, he vomits the content to the side of his body on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos! Also, this is the most highest kudos I've gotten on a fic on here, and its very pleasing to me :) 
> 
> Expect an update a few days from now!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here goes nothing! 
> 
> What was inside the letter Azula wrote to Zuko
> 
> WARNING: This chapter implies rape as per usual. This chapter also details suicide/ death.

_Azula had had enough of the voices and images she would see in her mind when she would close her eyes. She was always afraid of sleeping because of the nightmares. She couldn’t take it anymore. Her mind sabotaging her and in a constant battle where she kept asking herself what was real and what was not. What was right and what was wrong. The constant nagging in her head had made her so exhausted, she couldn't take it anymore. She didn’t want to return home. She had nowhere else to go. The institution didn’t help her. The nurses didn’t care for her or anyone that was there. She suffered through so much she didn’t think she should go on._

_She walks into her fathers office where he had stored ink that were sealed. She opens the drawers of his desk and finds piles of empty paper waiting to be written. She begins to write as the tears slowly slipped down her cheeks:_

_“Dear Zuko,_

_My destiny has been completed. I was always fighting with myself about my destiny. You figured yours out, but what did that leave for me? What was mine? I finally figured it out a few nights ago in my dreams. Mother told me my destiny was to help shape who you are. You see, I told you the New Ozai Society exposure was for me to show you how ruthless you can be to your people, and I even told you it was to teach you that you still had a bit of father in you, and that means I am the firelord inside you. I was mistaken. Mother told me that you became more conscious about your actions and decision making so you won’t turn out like us. You can thank me for that. Your own little sister helped you become who you are. Isn’t that absurd? It could’ve been the other way around._

_Remember when you came into my room that night when I woke up from a nightmare? I told you to not leave? Well, Im asking you this now: Leave me. Leave me be. Leave me for what I am. For what I did. For what I am about to do._

_As you are reading this, by now I have made the decision to not keep going. By now, I am gone. Who knows how long it would be until you find this. Will you ever find this? Now I feel like a fool for writing this. Did you ever care about me? Did mother? Did anyone? Sometimes I think you and mother did, but my mind never allowed me to accept it. I had to do this, Zuko. I needed the voices to stop. Every time I close my eyes, I see her body. Her body filled with blood. My hands with blood. I see dad angry with me and mother too. Her voice fills my head sometimes. Sometimes I wake up at night as if someone was pushing me down and covering my mouth where I can’t scream just like what would happen at the institution. It hurts to scream sometimes. Dont beat yourself over it. You didn’t know. How could you have known?_

_I imagined you in my room last night, and I cried once I realized you weren’t actually there. What does that mean? I’d like to believe maybe in a world where father wasn’t the firelord or we weren’t royalty, maybe we would have been the brother and sister you always wanted us to be. I couldnt bring myself to do what you wanted me to do. It felt like I was going against the teachings of father that was forever ingrained into me. I couldn’t bring myself to be like you._

_By now, I am finally free. Finally free just like Hana. She was always on my mind after I left. She didn’t deserve going like that, but she was finally free from pain and anguish. By now, I have achieved that finally._

_Think of it this way, perhaps in another world or other realm, we could be together. Together like you always wanted us to be. Maybe then we can be happy. I’d like to believe that._

_Until we meet again dear brother,_

_Azula”_

_As Azula finishes writing, she wipes the tears off her eyes and accepts her decision. She unwraps her hair from the red ribbon holding her bun in place. Azula rolls up the letter and ties the red ribbon around the letter. The whole journey away from home, she had her crown stashed away in her sack. Never once did she look at it. She grabs her sack and opens it to retrieve her crown. She walks out of her fathers office and into the playroom that was at the other side of the home. She opens the door and had taken off a weak floorboard and stashed away her letter and crown hoping someday someone will find it. Perhaps they won’t. Who knows. Azula sobs quietly to herself as she places the wooden floorboard back to its spot, and she gets up from the ground and walks out. She walks out of the home too with her sack in her hand. She walks amongst the sand and finds a big rock. She bends down to grab it, and she puts it in her sack. Her feet takes her to the water. Azula stands in front of it as she watches the waves consume each other and roll back and fourth. Push and pull. Push and pull. She silently cried to herself as she imagines her life flashing in her eyes. There was too much she had experienced for a young woman. It all pained her, and she couldnt do it anymore. She furrows her eyebrows in anger at her life. She lets out a groan and throws her sack at the water as far as she could. Her sack lands far away from her into the water and slowly sank down as the rock pulls it down to the bottom of the ocean._

_“Be free,” she whispers to herself. She inhales a deep breath trying to calm herself down. Then, she closes her eyes and allowed her feet to take her into the water. She exhales the deep breath and continues to do so as she kept walking in. The water reaching her mid-thighs, and she kept walking through. She felt the coldness of the water in a hot summers day. The day was coming to an end with the sunset in the sky. Azula continues to walk as tears slowly slip down her face. The water was now up to her collarbone, and then, Azula inhales a deep breath, and allowed the water to consume the rest of her body. Azula didn’t fight the waters once she was underneath when she couldn't breathe. With her eyes still closed, her body fell limp and her arms and legs pulled her more beneath the waters. A few bubbles escape from her lips when she lets out her final breath. She was smiling at the end, for now she was no longer in pain anymore. No more nightmares, no more trauma, no more disappointing her family, no more voices. No more of anything. She was smiling to the fact that she was free. Free like Hana. And free from everything._


	14. Chapter 14

Zuko allowed the bile coming out of his body. Heaving and catching his breath as he processes what he had just read. He was allowing the tears to come out of him as Aang kneels down to the ground and hugs his friend. He did not know for the moment of what the letter contained, but he felt the pain that Zuko had.

“She’s gone,” Zuko whispers between tears. Aang was stunned. He knew Zuko wanted to reunite with his sister, and the outcome of the search was devastating. Zuko didn’t have high hopes, but a small hope remained inside hoping that he would see his sister. He didn’t want this to be the end, but of course, he had to accept for what happened. His sister was in deep pain. She didn’t see the light at the the end of it like he had. Perhaps she is right. Perhaps in another universe, she would be happy, and he too would be happy, and together they could be the siblings he ever wanted them to be. Despite everything, Zuko deeply loved his sister. He cared for her even the wrong-doings she did. She was still his sister after all. At times, he would look at her and be reminded of the little girl he would play and hang out with when they were children before everything. Before their agni kai. Before Zuko’s banishment. Before Ursa’s disappearance. Before their father had taken the throne. It pained him to know that this was her decision, but somehow he had to accept for what it is, for she felt she could be free. That’s all she ever wanted. To be free.

Aang lets out a gasp at the news, “I’m so sorry, Zuko. I know how much she meant to you even after everything.” Tears welled in his eyes too. He felt the emotions that Zuko was presenting. It reminded him of when he discovered Monk Gyatso’s skeleton. It still pains him to this day, but he learned how to control his grief, just like in time, Zuko will too. Zuko looks up at his friend and wipes the tears out of his eyes and his cheeks. He didn’t know how he could tell his mother. It would pain her too. It would pain everyone. They had hoped that she will be found somehow and be reunited just like Zuko had thought.

“I have to go back home,” Zuko says clenching onto the letter. He had her crown in his other hand and rubbed his fingers against the insignia of the flame. He missed her from the start she was missing, but now he misses her even more knowing she won’t be seen again. “I don’t want to be here any longer. I— I. ..” Zuko stops as he chokes onto the words slipping out of his mouth. “I don’t want to stay in this home knowing this was her last spot and where she made the choice of ending things.” Aang understood and helped Zuko out from the ground. Zuko and Aang walked out as Zuko’s mind rushes through thoughts. He felt angry at himself for not searching harder. He was angry at everything. Angry at the fact that his father had abused them so much it took a toll on Azula. He was angry at the institution for not helping her like he thought it would. He was angry. Very angry. This was what he was afraid of. He knew this could’ve been a possibility, but he was not prepared at all.

Going on top of Appa, Zuko was quiet and so was Aang. The night sky appeared and the moonlight lit as Aang said the words to make Appa fly. They flew into the night sky as they made their way into Caldera City. It would take hours because of how far they were in the nation. Zuko sits against the wall of the saddle and slumps his back down. He looks up ahead to the other side of the saddle and watches the world pass him by. All he can think about was Azula, and how he felt like he had failed her. _Im so sorry_ Zuko says to himself in his mind as a way of directing it towards Azula. A tear slips out and he wipes it away. His heart ached of course, but it hurt him even more knowing years had gone by and he hadn’t found the letter until now.

* * *

Appa lands near the palace and Aang uses his air bending to make him float off of Appa on a safe-landing. He helps out Zuko, and together they walked near the gates of the palace. Zuko showed himself to the guards and they allowed him in. His heart beat began to race from having to meet with his family and tell them about the news. The guards welcomed the firelord back home, but Zuko had an expressionless face. One of the guards had went to retrieve Firelady Mai, Ursa, and Iroh to the entrance gates. Aang reached his hand out to Zuko's shoulder and gestured to him that everything would be fine.

“I’m sorry about your loss, Zuko. If you need me, you know where I am,” he says retrieving his hand back from Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko let out a soft sigh and looked into the eyes of the avatar.

“You’re leaving?”

Aang stood in silence for a moment, “Once your family arrive to the gates to see you, it should be only your moment as a family to discuss the news.” Aang pauses once more and closes his eyes. He lets out a big sigh with sorrow understanding the loss coming from Zuko. “Just be there for them and allow them to comfort you when you need it.” He gives a reassuring nod to the firelord and airbeds a gust of wind to fly him up on Appa’s neck. He pets Appa for a while, and then held on to his reins and said, “Yip yip.” The bison rose up from the ground and flew away from the palace leaving Zuko alone. The anticipation on seeing his family only made him tremble from telling them. He stared at the ground and at his feet kicking pebbles that were beneath him. Azula’s letter was still clenched on his hands. He wasn’t sure if he should present the letter to them or just tell them.

“Firelord Zuko,” a guard announced leaving Zuko to jump at the voice. He was startled for a moment and looked up from the ground away from his feet. “Firelady Mai, Ursa, and former general Iroh.’’ The guard bows down to him and walks away from the scene leaving the four of them together. The four of them stood silent for a moment only for the atmosphere to feel uneasy for all of them. The amount of time that had passed left Ursa worried for what he was about to say.

“Did you—?” Ursa starts but stopped herself from finishing. Her heart was racing, and Mai held onto Ursa’s cold hand waiting for Zuko to say anything.

“Zuko,” Iroh says, and Zuko snaps out of it. He was tensed up, but the sudden realization that his family was right in front of him waiting on what he had to say hurt him. Seeing his mothers face calmed him down. He furrows his eyebrows in a sympathetic way and approached to his family. He held his mothers hand with his right. He inhales a deep breath and he lets out a subtle frown. Ursa knew. Her eyes widened and she inhaled a sharp breath at his expression.

“No,” she whispers between her teeth and tears began to well in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says and his lips tremble, then he began to sob. Iroh averts his eyes away from Zuko and closed his eyes from the tears trying to escape from his waterline. “She wrote a letter.” He reaches his hand out with the letter in his hand and hands it to his mother. Between tears, his mother reads the note silently to herself. Her eyes moving side to side reading the whole thing. Her heart breaking with each sentence she read. It pained her. It really did. These were the thoughts coming from her daughters last moments, and she believed that was what the world thought of her. Ursa drops the letter on the ground and lets her knees fall the floor breaking away from Mai and Zuko’s grip. She wails in pain from her daughters loss. She screams and yells out Azula’s name in agony. She had wished her daughter was fine and would return home, so she could make amends. All of them had wished that. Mai kneels on the ground next to Ursa holding her tight. Mai allowed tears to slip down her face. Even after she betrayed Azula at the Boiling Rock, she had hoped her former friend would get better. She wished she would be in Zuko’s life as much as he would tell her about it. Ursa was trying to catch her breath. She was trembling.

Zuko kneeled down to the ground crying in front of his mother. He pulls her and Mai close to him in a tight embrace. Iroh does the same. He held onto them all tightly. All of them shared an equal amount of pain.

* * *

The day of the funeral was quiet. His citizens were welcomed to enter a section of the palace in the courtyard where the funeral took place. It was a beautiful ceremony. His friends: Avatar Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Suki had made their way to the funeral being there for the firelord. Although Azula had made her wrong-doings to Team Avatar during the war, they knew how much it would mean for Zuko to be there for support. They stood in the crowd of the elite leaders of the world and his family. Zuko made a brief speech in the funeral about the importance on mental health. As he spoke about the topic, his heart stung knowing Azula felt like nothing would make her feel better. Now, he felt like it was his obligation to make sure he can do all he can as Firelord about mental health.

Over the course of the few years after, he had passed laws ensuring the nurses and medical workers will treat patients with respect and made a punishable consequence where even if they did one wrong-doing, their practice on being a medical worker will be provoked. He had also made sure the facilities were running nicely and had made meetings with the owners of the facilities and provided some changes and rules on how it should be run. He felt proud of himself and hoped he was doing right by honoring his sister in some way.

Of course, as the years rolled by, so did the anniversary. As he grew older, his family expanded with the addition of his daughter, Izumi. She knew about Azula where Zuko would tell her the few positive stories he had deep within his mind about her. Then, when his daughter was old enough, he had told her the tragedy about his sister. Izumi didn’t understand pain of a loss of a loved one yet, all she could do was hug her father about it. Tears weld in his eyes, but he wiped them off. As time went on, he was able to control his grief, but grief will never go away, and he accepted that that was what was going to happen.

“I’m sure she was right about the other universe, father,” she said with a small smile one day when he and his daughter sat near the turtle-duck pond. Zuko was left in a pensive thought before his daughter had said anything. He looked up away from the pond and looked at his daughter next to him. He knew she was talking about his sister. “Somewhere out there in the other universe, maybe you guys are the siblings you had always wanted to be.” She hugged him tighter seeing him in a saddened state.

“Yeah, I’d like to think that," he smiles softly as his daughter unwraps herself from their embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I know I keep saying that, but I really appreciate it, and I love reading the comments and reading your guys' insights! Sorry about the sad ending :( Sometimes stories dont always have a happy ending, but it's not over yet! Theres one more update to go through, and the fic will be complete. See you soon


	15. EPILOGUE

As Zuko grew older, so did his family. His uncle had passed, so did his mother, and Mai. Avatar Aang and Sokka’s time had also passed. The new avatar had gone through so much, and Zuko did all he could do advising the new avatar.

Soon, it was his time. He had laid in his bed with his daughter, the Firelord, on his bedside holding onto his hand. His breathing was rapid with short inhales and short exhales. At times he would close his eyes and not breathe for a while until he would have a sudden jerk to inhale a sharp breath. It had been like this for the past six months. All he could do was rest. His mind would wander to his younger years during the end of the war with team avatar, and after the war during the harmony restoration movement with his friends. Then, his mind wandered to his sister, he hadn’t thought about her for quite awhile, but when he did, the wound still fresh to him. He had always missed his sister as the years went on.

“How are you feeling, father?” Izumi said rubbing her thumb against his knuckles as she held his hand. His eyes were closed and it took awhile for Zuko to respond. He opened his eyes slowly to his daughter.

“I’m. . . “ he pauses to breathe. “Im doing fine, my daughter.” He lets out a small smile to prove it to her. “Don’t worry about me.” He closes his eyes as he breathing slowed down. Tears welled in Izumi’s eyes. She knew the time was coming, and she wasn’t prepared for it at all. Her father was her whole world. He protected her and did all he could to teach her about their family's past history and to never repeat it. He had always made sure he would never be like his father, Ozai. Zuko opens his eyes again. “You have a nation to look after. . . go.”

Izumi’s lips trembled, “I cannot leave you. You mean everything to me.”

“You mean everything to me too, my daughter.” He pauses for a moment catching his breath. His body slowly giving up on him in his final moments. “I couldn’t be anymore proud of you. I’mvery proud on calling you my daughter and the Firelord. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.” Izumis hand was still holding onto his. He put his other hand on top hers. Izumi’s eyes closed as she allowed small tears to slip out. Zuko’s eyes fell and he had fallen asleep. With his agile body, he couldn’t be awake for the whole day like he used to.

_Zuko was laying in bed as he was doing in reality. He had gotten off of bed without the help of anyone which was the first time he was able to do that in a long time. He felt like his old self again. He dressed himself up next to his bed with his firelord robes when he heard a knock at the door. His back was facing away from the door, and he turned to see who it was. The door was still closed._

_“Come in,” he said fixing the sleeves of his firelord robes. The door slowly opened and a woman walked into the room. She was wearing a white flowing gown and had her hair down._

_“Hello, dear brother,” the woman had said. The familiar voice sent shivers down his spine. He had forgotten how his sister had sounded._

_“Azula?” His eyes widened. He walked closer to Azula at the entryway of his room to get a good look at her. She still looked how he had always remembered her. “It really is you.” He was breathless. It was an unexpected sight to her. Tears welled in his eyes as he smiled softly seeing her. He wiped the tears away looking down at the ground._

_“Please don’t tell me you’re crying over me. Quite pathetic, Zuzu.” He laughed at her words. He looked up at her and she had revealed a soft smile at him. Something she had hardly done in her time in the physical world._

_“Tell me. Are you happy?” He asks softly. It took a while for her to respond. She had thought about it for a moment._

_“I’m free, Zuko. Something I had wanted in a long time. I think yes. Yes I am.” He stood in awe seeing his sister. It felt nice to finally have a conversation with her. He hadn’t thought it would ever happen._

_“Im glad to see you. I missed you.” He sensed her body tense up at his words, but soon she relaxed. “I truly did miss you.” She nods at his words believing everything he was saying. She had wanted to stay more for the moment. Wanting to tell him so much, and she knew he felt the same way. Her figure started to fade away from Zuko’s eyes. He reaches out his arm trying to reach out to her._

_“Zuko,” she says. He put his full attention to his little sister. She reaches out her hand towards him. “Come with me.”_

_“And we can be the siblings I had always wanted us to be?”_

_“Yes. In the other universe, we can be together like how we had tried to be.” She reaches her hand out towards him more, and she let out a reassuring smile towards her older brother. “Come.” Zuko thought about it for a moment and then held onto her hand. He felt her hand and it felt real. He gasped at the feeling._

_Zuko smiled, “There’s so much I have to tell you.” He says as his voice began to fade as Azula guides him through the door exiting his room._

Izumi saw her father draw out his last breath. He no longer was fighting between being conscious or not or trying to catch his breath. He was free from all of it. A subtle smile escaped his lips as he finished drawing out his breath. Then, his body fell still, but the smile of the Firelord remained. They had truly met with each other again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well-- this is the end. Kind of a bittersweet ending don't you think? I enjoyed writing this, and I hoped you enjoyed the fic through and through. Thank you so much for your support! Also reading comments are my favorite thing to do and made me feel so excited about your guys' anticipation for the next chapter. I hope I did the ending justice and closed the fic flowingly. Thank you again <33
> 
> P.S. Also notice the parallels I made? In the early part of this fic, Zuko had a dream where he saw Azula in a dark room and she tried guiding him to be with her, but he hesitated and chose not to. Now, he had the same opportunity and took her hand. There are a lot of parallels in this story if you hadn't noticed!


End file.
